DEAR MISS MANNERS: We invited over some of my partner’s friends who all have young children. Our children are grown, but we adore kids.
We understand that kids make messes. We childproofed by moving breakable objects out of reach. We brought out a selection of toys for them to play with. We offered cookies and crackers, and fully expected to have to vacuum after their visit.
But one set of parents did something that left me flummoxed.
We have a fruit bowl in our kitchen that was out of reach for the small children. It was not on the table for guests to grab, like the other snacks, but guests could easily see it.
One of the guests wandered over, selected a peach and handed it to her toddler. The toddler then marched around the house eating a dripping peach. He dropped it on the carpet, leaving a visible smear of sticky juice, and the parent picked up the peach, washed it, and then handed it back to the toddler.
The toddler dropped it again and the parent threw away the half-eaten peach and then selected another peach and handed it to the child, who proceeded to continue to eat and drop the second peach.
The parents were completely unconcerned about the mess the kid made, and didn’t seem to notice or care when I was on the floor scrubbing the stains (somewhat theatrically).
I was so taken aback that I didn’t say anything. What could I have done?
GENTLE READER: A right instinct — not to step between parents and their children — in this case led you to a wrong, and incidentally ineffective, action.
You think the parents did not notice, but if the goo cleanup was as dramatic as you say, it may simply have embarrassed them. Either way, it underlined the rudeness being committed without providing a solution.
If, instead, you had taken a peach, removed the pit and cut a bite-sized slice for the child — all while engaging the parent in witty conversation — you would have charmed the parent, immobilized the child and prevented further damage to the house, all while appearing the perfect host. Miss Manners has seen similar quick thinking save many a rug.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our neighbors of over 10 years suddenly and surprisingly invited us to their home for dinner.
In all those years, we were casually friendly but shared nothing more than short conversations about the weather or things happening in the neighborhood.
We had a pleasant evening, and the wife had obviously gone to some effort, including appetizers, a lovely meal and homemade dessert.
I feel we should reciprocate, but I don’t want to host them for dinner at our place: I’m not a great cook, and I think we exhausted our conversation topics at their house. The husband has mobility issues, so we can’t treat them to a restaurant meal.
I did bring a hostess gift (flowers and wine) when we went to their home. I’m feeling guilty, but can I let it go now?
GENTLE READER: No, you need to reciprocate. It is only one meal, but they do know where you live.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.