Dating someone like David Haye made me realise my worth

‘That haircut makes you look ugly’

Ten years ago, I was sitting by my then-boyfriend Justin* in a pub, who casually said this to me.

I stared at him in shock as he took another swig of his drink. 

‘You-’, I stammered trying to get my words out, ‘you think I’m ugly?’, I managed.

‘Well, that hair surely isn’t doing you any favours’, he claimed as he looked around the venue, seemingly embarrassed to be seen with me. I had just met up with him after cutting my hair into a French bob – a shorter hairstyle I had wanted for years.

The change wasn’t that dramatic, I had only had shoulder length hair before then.

I remember feeling an intense shame that I tried to hide.

But after months of experiencing his relentless putdowns, something in me flipped. 

I realised I hated him and had to love myself. And I was reminded of that last week, when I read that former pro-boxer David Haye, who is on the latest season of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here…South Africa, caused controversy in the camp after calling his model girlfriend Sian Osborne an ‘ugly duckling’.

‘Most ugly girls realise they’ve gotta have a personality and the banter to tell jokes and s**t, so people overlook the fact that they’re not aesthetically amazing straight away – it’s called ugly duckling syndrome,’ he told his fellow celebs. 

‘Where girls are ugly when they start off, then they get pretty as they get older, but they’ve still got the personality of when they were ugly.’

It was astonishing to read, and instantly reminded me of Justin. I wondered if he’d ever described me as an ugly duckling. To make matters worse, Sian responded saying it was a compliment and that ‘David is the embodiment of masculinity and women aren’t used to that anymore’.

Reading her statement, I remembered being just like her and making excuses for a man. 

The kicker was reading her say that ‘the entire point of feminism was that women should not be told what to do, or have their choices made for them, so it’s a bit hypocritical to turn around and tell me I should be offended by something I found funny’.

For me, that doesn’t feel like feminism. 

It reads like a man simply ‘negging’ a woman, in order to keep her in line. Feminism is about achieving equal political, financial and social rights. I doubt there is much equality in their relationship – I imagine if Sian told David he was ugly, he would respond very differently.

And this is not the first time Haye has behaved poorly in the jungle. 

He was also criticised for calling actress Beverly Callard, 69, ‘dead weight’, prioritising strength and age, over character.

Fellow campmate, Gemma Collins, who has accused Haye of fat-shaming her during the show, has since called him out online.

I wish Sian could have the resolve of the GC. The whole experience reminded me of incidents with Justin. And it wasn’t just my hair.

He would regularly express ‘feelings’ about certain clothes I would wear – one pair of trousers was too ‘masculine’ for him and he said he preferred me in skirts.

One day he asked me if I had ever considered a boob job. Another day, he wondered if I would undergo rhinoplasty.

It was relentless, and I allowed him to do it, because I thought it was all I was worthy of – I didn’t believe I deserved anything different.But one day, it changed. I realised I was worth so much more than what Justin had put me through.

I finally dumped him, while wearing the ‘masculine’ trousers he hated. And from then on, I wore what I wanted, did my hair as I pleased, and I didn’t let anyone question my looks the way he did.

I really hope that Sian goes through a similar process of self love – we women have a lot of hate to unlearn that’s broadcasted to us. Whether it’s on our TVs with David Haye calling his girlfriend ‘an ugly duckling’, or when Justin asked me if I would get a boob job – it’s the same issue. 

It comes from someone else’s attitude. 

The best we can do with it is love ourselves and when we transmit that into the world, a comment like David Haye’s will never be acceptable to us.

I love myself now, in a way I never did.

Hopefully, Sian gets to experience that too.

*Name has been changed

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