Harry Judd’s wife reveals their child’s health diagnosis that impacts daily life

Izzy Judd has shared that one of her children shows traits of what some experts call ‘pathological demand avoidance’.

The condition causes a behavioural profile linked to autism that can make everyday tasks overwhelming.

The violinist and author, who’s married to McFly drummer Harry Judd, said she’s had to completely rethink her parenting style to avoid overwhelming her children with too many expectations or strict routines.

Speaking on Dr Alex George’s Stompcast podcast, Izzy, 41, explained that she’s learned to step away from rigid parenting rules and focus instead on flexibility and understanding.

‘Pathological demand avoidance is linked with autism,’ she told listeners. ‘It’s basically about demands that are put on a child who, underneath the demand, has a lot of anxiety.’

She said that even simple requests, such as brushing teeth, getting dressed, or saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ can lead to distress, so she has stopped giving direct commands altogether.

To outsiders, she admitted, it might look like ‘lazy parenting’ or ‘a lack of discipline,’ but for her family, it’s about maintaining calm and avoiding anxiety triggers.

Fans on social media praised Izzy’s honesty, with many parents of neurodivergent children saying her words resonated deeply with them.

Among the comments was Harry’s mum, Emma: ‘Good points to highlight and remind us to take care of ourselves…keep up the good work both of you. Xx’

Izzy, who shares three children – Lola, eight, Kit, seven, and Lockie, three – with Harry, revealed earlier this year that their daughter is neurodivergent.

She described their parenting journey as ‘overwhelming’ and ‘all-consuming,’  but said it has taught her to let go of comparisons and outside opinions.

‘I kind of let go of being late a long time ago,’ she said. ‘The more pressure you feel – ‘you’ve got to go! –  the more it slows everything down. Once they feel they’re in control, amazing things happen.’

She added that societal expectations often clash with the reality of raising neurodivergent children.

‘There are quite rigid expectations of how children should behave,’ she said. ‘For a neurodivergent child, it’s not that they won’t sit still – they physically can’t.’

Izzy also spoke about how everyday events can become challenging, from birthday parties to Christmas celebrations.

‘If your child isn’t behaving ‘normally,’ you spend the whole time conflicted,’ she said. ‘So we don’t do birthday parties anymore – no one was enjoying them.’

Even gift-giving can be tricky: ‘If we wrap a present, we’ll say what’s inside,’ she said.

‘Not knowing is a big demand – and then they have to say thank you, which adds more pressure,’ she added.

Holidays like Christmas bring added stress too.

‘The songs, the changes in routine, the expectations… It’s a lot,’ she said. ‘They want beige food, so I put a pizza in the oven – and people say, “That’s rude.”‘

Izzy said she’s learned to trust her instincts, even when others don’t understand.

‘Most of the time when I’m unkind to myself is when I’ve tried to please someone else rather than my child,’ she reflected.

‘When behaviour is really challenging, it’s hard to find empathy. But you’ve got to look underneath and ask, “What have I missed?”’

Izzy and Harry met in 2005 when she played violin on McFly’s tour and they married seven years later.

Harry, who won Strictly Come Dancing in 2011, has also been open about his own struggles with anxiety, and both continue to use their platform to raise awareness of mental health and parenting challenges.

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