Malin Andersson wants to be open with her daughter (Picture: Instagram/ missmalinsara)
Malin Andersson suffered shocking physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her former partner for years, and believes the death of her eldest daughter as a baby was partly down to the violence she faced.
However, despite the former Love Island star’s harrowing past, she is determined to be as open as possible with her living daughter Xaya.
Malin, 32, was left with visible injuries as well as long-lasting emotional scars at the hands of her ex-partner Tom Kemp, who was jailed in September 2020.
Kemp was the father of her first daughter, Consy, who died aged just four weeks old on January 22, 2019, after being born seven weeks premature.
As her youngest daughter gets older, Malin is noticing that Xaya (whose father is ex-partner Jared), is becoming more aware of the world around her. She has started asking about photos of Consy that are dotted around their home.
Malin has now confirmed that she plans to be as open as possible to her toddler about her history of domestic abuse. She sees the conversations as inevitable and is already preparing for her little girl to ask questions.
Domestic abuse in pregnancy
According to the NHS, pregnancy can act as a trigger for domestic abuse, and existing abuse may get worse during this time
Safe Lives found in 2018 that 30% of domestic abuse commences during pregnancy
About 20% of women in Refuge’s services are pregnant or have recently given birth
In 2001, it was recommended that pregnant women should be routinely asked about domestic violence during appointments
‘I’ll definitely speak to her about it,’ Malin tells Metro.
‘It’s really important, because education is everything. Knowledge is power. She will understand because the craziest and saddest part is often people don’t recognise it.
‘I know one day she’ll ask me how Consy died, and the abuse was a big part of her death. I was beaten black and blue when I was pregnant, and that had a huge impact,’ she adds.
Domestic abuse during pregnancy increases the risk of miscarriage, infection, premature birth, and injury or death. Around 36% of pregnant women experience verbal abuse, 20% experience sexual violence, and 14% experience severe physical violence, according to Women’s Aid.
Malin has already started the subject of consent with Xaya using age-appropriate language.
She explains: ‘Me and her dad are really good with stuff like that. This might sound weird, but we say “No one touches nulu, just mummy and daddy during nappy changes”.
‘I look at her, she’s so innocent and pure, and I don’t want any man near her, but I think the power resides within her. I want to develop her into being a strong but loving girl who knows her self worth, and understands what she truly deserves.’
Malin wants to make sure her daughter knows her power (Picture: Instagram/@missmalinsara)
What to do if you’re experiencing domestic abuse
If you are experiencing domestic abuse, you are not alone. And whether you are currently coping with or have made the decision to leave, you do have options.
If you are thinking about leaving, domestic abuse charity Refuge suggests starting a record of abusive incidents, which might include saving pictures or messages, or making notes of times, dates and details of incidents.
The next step is to make copies of important documents such as court orders, marriage certificates, National Insurance Numbers and your driving licence.
In the meantime, identify the safer areas of your home so that you know where to go if your abuser becomes aggravated. Ideally, this should be a room with a phone and a door or window to the outside.
If you feel ready to leave, start by making a plan for a safe, reliable route out. If you feel safe to do so, pack an emergency bag so that you leave in a hurry if needed.
You can access a local refuge, either with or without children, for as long as you need to stay. The address is confidential. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) is open 24-hours a day and has all the details of refuges in your area.
In an emergency situation, ring 999 and ask for the police. If you aren’t able to talk, try the Silent Solution: after dialling 999, listen to the questions from the operator and respond by coughing or tapping your device, if possible. If prompted, press 55 to let the operator know it’s an emergency – you’ll be put through to the police.
Read more here.
Five years after her horrific ordeal, author and speaker Malin is now able to reflect on what she experienced. Often people ask why survivor-victims stay in a relationship with their abuser, but the onus should never be on them.
‘I was in a bubble because I was being manipulated,’ Malin says.
‘I went to the hospital with a broken hand, and I was still in denial saying “Oh no, it’s fine.” I kept going back and forth. It is a very scary situation to be in.’
After breaking away, Malin started to take power in posting photos and videos online, giving an insight into the hell she’d been living though. This included evidence of the injuries he had inflicted.
This is not an uncommon coping mechanism. The Vodafone Digital Allies campaign found that more than half (55%) who have experienced abuse or an unsafe situation have reached out to others online to share their experience – with 88% saying it was vital for their mental health.
Malin used Instagram as an ‘online diary’ (Picture: Instagram/missmalinsara)
‘In abusive relationships, you become a lesser version of yourself, someone you don’t barely even recognise.
‘When you’ve been suppressed for so long and you feel like you’ve had no voice in a relationship, you feel freedom and liberation finally speaking about it,’ Malin recalls.
Using her Instagram as an ‘online diary’ became a way to also help other women in the same situation. However, she questions now if she might have taken on too much before fully processing.
‘I actually hadn’t helped myself yet, and I was trying to help others.’
She continues: ‘I was talking about it, and I was doing all these campaigns, but still drinking on the weekend, trying to numb my feelings, and crying every night. There’s a fine line, you have to help yourself first.’
Now, after much work, Malin feels she’s in a place to speak on the subject, and is continuing to use her voice to help other people. She is currently spreading the word on Bright Sky UK – the free-to-use app and website designed to equip survivors of domestic abuse with instant resources, and their loved ones with information to understand more.
Being able to access an app, rather than ring a number, is something Malin wishes she’d have known about.
‘Ringing seemed scary. That’s a big step. This may have been more manageable. More people need to know about it,’ she says.
What is Bright Sky?
Bright Sky UK was launched by Hestia in 2016 with the support of Vodafone Foundation. It is a free-to-use app and website designed in collaboration with survivors of domestic abuse.
It offers specialised resources not only for those experiencing abuse but also for families, loved ones, allies, employers, and colleagues who want to help.
The platform empowers users with knowledge and tools, equipping them to:
Use the tools safely
Identify and understand signs of abuse
Take steps to stay safe
Access the right specialist support
There are currently 250,000 users in the UK to date, and the app is live in 14 markets across the globe.
How do I access Bright Sky?
Bright Sky can be accessed either on the website or via an app, which is available to download for free on the App Store or Google Play.
While 73% of people say that websites and apps and helpful, only a third will actually use them for support. Malin puts the issue partly down to partners looking through devices, and shares that this is something that happened to her.
She also thinks that officially acknowledging something is wrong is a big and tough step for many women.
‘That’s a part that stops you from going to the police, Women’s Aid, Refuge or downloading an app, because you still have that empathy. The psychological part gets really tricky. It gets messy,’ she reasons.
Malin encourages women experiencing domestic abuse to ask themselves three questions
(Picture: Instagram)
Speaking directly to women going through domestic abuse today, Malin says: ‘I can say “leave”, “get out”, but it’s up to you. You need to turn inwards and really sit down and talk to yourself and ask “Why are you allowing this to happen to you? What part of you feels that this is what you’re worthy of? Do you believe that this is really love?”
‘I thought my relationship was what love was. I didn’t understand what a real relationship was like, so I was clinging on to any signs of love. My dad died when I was young, and my caregivers didn’t give it to me.’
This Is Not Right
On November 25, 2024 Metro launched This Is Not Right, a year-long campaign to address the relentless epidemic of violence against women.
Throughout the year we will be bringing you stories that shine a light on the sheer scale of the epidemic.
With the help of our partners at Women’s Aid, This Is Not Right aims to engage and empower our readers on the issue of violence against women.
You can find more articles here, and if you want to share your story with us, you can send us an email at vaw@metro.co.uk.
Read more:
Introducing This Is Not Right: Metro’s year-long violence against women campaign
Yvette Cooper’s message to abusers and rapists: The streets don’t belong to you
Remembering the women killed by men in 2024
Stories about violence against women don’t make an impact – this is why
After working through her feelings and going to therapy, Malin ‘put the puzzle together and deciphered that it was her inner-child that needed love from herself. But it wasn’t easy, and she states there is no quick fix to ‘rewire the brain’ after gaslighting, manipulation and abuse. ‘The bruises and bones can heal, but the psychological aspect of domestic abuse is really f**king strong,’ she emphasised. She warned that leaving them is the worst part, comparing it to the comedown from a drug.
Malin, who is supportive of Metro’s This Is Not Right campaign, beautifully summarised: ‘I’m not the same person as I was when I was in that situation. I want people to understand that they can go through it and they can come out, literally, like a butterfly. They can blossom.’
Bright Sky can be accessed either on the website or via an app, which is available to download for free on the App Store or Google Play.
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