Tulisa Contostavlos has shared details from her ‘year from hell’, with her drug trial and sex tape scandal leaving her mental health spiralling.
The N-Dubz legend revealed in her new memoir — Judgement: Love, Trials and Tribulations — that she attempted to take her life twice amid the turbulent year.
In a blow to her solo career and X Factor stardom in 2012, her sex tape was leaked, then the following year, she was charged on suspicion of supplying Class A drugs.
”When I was a child, the bathroom was the only room in my house with a lock,’ Tulisa wrote, according to The Mirror. ‘I had always locked myself in there in times of distress, whether it was because my parents were going at it like two bulls in a china shop again, or my mentally ill mother was going off the rails.’
She explained it had ‘always been my place of safety’ and that twenty years later, she was ‘back lying on the bathroom floor’.
‘Deep-rooted issues, I suppose,’ Tulisa, 37, continued. ‘When the sex tape had come out, I had slept on the bathroom floor for five days.’
At the time, revenge porn was not illegal, so despite launching legal action against her ex-boyfriend Justin Edwards, all she received was an apology.
The pair had split in 2009 and while the rapper initially denied responsibility, he offered his ‘sincere apologies’ via London’s High Court.
After the case was closed, Tulisa said: ‘I am relieved that this is finally over. It has been a very testing few months and this was not a case I ever wanted to go through.
‘I stand here today a stronger, wiser young woman who has taken this experience and learnt from it. I am disgusted by Justin and saddened by the people that believed I released the footage myself.’
Her lawyer made clear this was ‘not the case’ and called the ordeal ‘the most severe invasion of privacy imaginable’.
This wasn’t the only devastating moment that left Tulisa seeking comfort in the bathroom, having later attempted to take her life in there.
Her former best friend, Gareth Varey, found her unconscious in the bathroom after she overdosed during the drugs case.
”What’s the point in being alive just to be miserable?’ she penned. ‘How am I ever going to find happiness after this? Even if I’m found innocent, I’ll be empty inside by the time I get to the end of it, and my life will be ruined.’
The I’m A Celebrity star was revived but months later she attempted to take her own life for a second time, resulting in a three-day hospital trip.
She was arrested after an elaborate sting and denied the charges, with the case collapsing after the judge believed the prosecution’s witness and undercover journalist Mazher Mahmood lied in court. He was later sentenced to 15 months in jail.
In the years that followed, Tulisa became addicted to sleeping tablets and benzodiazepines, which she finally freed herself from last year.
She explained she had ‘found her peace and faith’ after a tumultuous decade, having joined N-Dubz at 11 years old and found fame by 20.
N-Dubz, her band with Dappy and Fazer, were best known for hits like Number 1, I Need You, and Playing With Fire.
Need support?
For emotional support, you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
If you’re a young person, or concerned about a young person, you can also contact PAPYRUS, the Prevention of Young Suicide UK.
Their HOPELINE247 is open every day of the year, 24 hours a day. You can call 0800 068 4141, text 88247 or email: pat@papyrus-uk.org.