Seven years ago, while appearing on Watch What Happens Live, three-time Tony award winner (and national treasure) Patti LuPone called Madonna “a movie killer” who “cannot act her way out of a paper bag.” Good times. The backstory between the ladies was that Patti originated the role of Eva Perón on Broadway in Evita, while Madonna was cast in the part for the movie adaptation. So why are we rehashing seven-year-old news? Because our candid Ms. LuPone was just on Hot Ones Versus with former roomie and Agatha All Along costar Aubrey Plaza (the show premieres September 18 on Disney+). The two squared off in a battle of truth-or-eat-the-hot-wing, and one of the challenges Aubrey laid down was for Patti to apologize to Madonna on camera… or eat a “death wing.” I swear, Patti dove in for that death wing before Aubrey even finished her sentence.
Patti LuPone is taking the Madonna lyric “please don’t say you’re sorry” to heart.
The Broadway icon joined Aubrey Plaza on a recent episode of Hot Ones Versus, where she refused to apologize for incendiary comments she once leveled at the pop star. Plaza directed LuPone to “look into the camera and apologize to the pop icon” for calling her a “movie killer” who “can’t act her way out of a paper bag” on Watch What Happens Live, or else eat a “death wing” — the show’s spiciest offering.
Want to guess what the legendary diva chose to do? Eat the wing down to the bone in a matter of seconds, stare straight into the camera, and then throw the wing at it.
“I’ve seen her on stage and I saw her in a movie and I went, ‘Um, okay,’” the actress and singer told Plaza. “There’s just some things some people can’t do, and you just gotta admit you can’t do it, that’s all. Or don’t even try it! Everybody can’t do everything.”
That seemed to be the end of LuPone’s feelings on the matter, but actually, she had one more right hook waiting. “Like Kim f—ing Kardashian. Can we go there? Or shall I eat another wing?” This isn’t the first time LuPone has critiqued Kardashian’s acting abilities.
Madonna and LuPone both have their fair share of beefs (Sandra Bernhard recently spoke about how “sad” she is that Madonna abruptly ended their friendship 30 years ago; LuPone also recently spoke about her regrets over her own 30-year feud with Andrew Lloyd Webber). But in this case, the beef in question appears to be entirely one-sided, in LuPone’s direction.
The American Horror Story star first fired shots at Madonna when prompted by a viewer question on a 2017 episode of WWHL. She said she hadn’t spoken to the singer after she took on the role of Perón in the 1996 film adaptation. “The only thing that Madonna has ever said to me was ‘I’m taller than you,’” she recalled.
When host Andy Cohen pressed on to ask what LuPone thought of Madonna’s Evita, she held nothing back. “I was on the treadmill when MTV used to have videos, and I saw, I believe it was ‘Buenos Aires’, and I thought it was a piece of sh–,” she said. “Madonna is a movie killer. She’s dead behind the eyes. She cannot act her way out of a paper bag. She should not be in films or on stage. She’s a wonderful, you know, performer for what she does,” LuPone conceded, “but she is not an actress.”
If you have to ask who won the hot wing battle, then you don’t know Patti LuPone. Granted, Aubrey Plaza entered the fray already compromised with “an open wound” in her mouth. But still, Patti barely seemed phased by the heat. Her matte bright red lipstick didn’t even smudge! Hilariously, the only thing that seemed to get to Patti was Aubrey turning to use a spit bucket for what she couldn’t handle. That she could not stand! So yeah, nobody f–ks with Patti LuPone. Not rude theater-goers, and not deathly hot wings. The one bone I’ll throw to Madonna is that she did not manage to kill A League of Their Own; that movie is too good to be tanked by supporting role stunt-casting. But that film notwithstanding, I look forward to the inevitable drag queen impression of Patti LuPone saying, “There’s just some things some people can’t do, and you just gotta admit you can’t do it, that’s all,” with extra points for having Madonna’s and Kim K’s images emblazoned on the costume.
Photos credit Getty and via YouTube