Some photos are so perfectly emblematic of a moment in time, they become instantly iconic. The evocative image of Marilyn Monroe in the billowing white dress over a subway grate. The blurry faraway profile of Bigfoot looking surprised. The indelible portrait of a raccoon passed out, splayed and face down in a bathroom right between a toilet and garbage can. That last one is the latest entry into this catalog of great photography, and I do believe its inclusion is undisputed. It was taken the day after Black Friday, when the sloshed trash panda was discovered to have literally crashed a liquor store and drank his way through an entire aisle. My heart went out the little rascal; the holidays can be a stressful time, and this year has been exceedingly trying. But was I a little too generous with my sympathy? Animal Protection Officer Samantha Martin, the Hanover County official who reported to the scene to process the intruder/imbiber, just appeared on a local podcast where she revealed the raccoon has a rap sheet of at least two other break-ins! Dun Dun DUN!!
The raccoon that went viral for a drunken break-in is a repeat offender!
On Nov. 29, a raccoon broke into a Virginia liquor store, ransacked the shelves and passed out in the bathroom following a “liquor-fueled rampage,” Hanover Country Animal Protection (HCAP) said on Dec. 2.
Over a week later, on Thursday, Dec. 11, Animal Protection Officer Samantha Martin revealed this wasn’t the raccoon’s first criminal offense.
“This is not the first time he’s been in one of the buildings,” Martin, the officer who got hold of him, said on the Hear In Hanover podcast.
“This is the third break-in he’s had,” she said, before listing off his previous break-ins, which include a karate studio and the DMV, the latter of which, he “ate some of their snacks.”
She noted that the department didn’t “relocate” him, “because that’s a death sentence for raccoons.” However, the “smart little critter” has managed to get back in the same building.
“I hope he learned his lesson,” she joked. “But I just say, ‘Enjoy your life.’ I think he’s living his best life — and why not? Have a drink or two, especially on Black Friday.”
Martin’s reveal of the raccoon’s criminal history comes after the sneaky animal caused a stir on the internet.
On Nov. 29, Martin found that a raccoon had broken into the building and pulled numerous bottles of liquor off the shelves. The raccoon was “very intoxicated” when it was discovered lying face down in the Ashland ABC Store liquor store’s bathroom, per the HCAP statement.
Photos show the aisles of the store are littered with broken bottles of gin and whiskey, among other spirits, on the floor. Another photo depicts the raccoon lying face down, limbs splayed, next to a toilet.
But the raccoon’s bender made headlines, and the Virginia Alcoholic Beverage Control Authority announced three cocktails in his honor: “Trash Panda Old Fashioned,” “Midnight Masked Gin Fizz” and “Rye Rascal Sour.”
I’m an online lawyer, as you well know, so naturally I had questions after reading this. For one thing, Virginia is a state with a three-strikes law on the books. So if this indeed was the defendant’s third offense, why was he released?? Furthermore, I was not satisfied that Officer Martin had proven at all, let alone beyond a reasonable doubt that it’s the same raccoon who’s broken into all three locations. Does this raccoon have a chip? A tag? A tattoo? Did Hanover County do DNA testing?? Because if there’s no tangible evidence linking the defendant to all three break-ins, then Officer Martin is engaging in blatant raccoon profiling, and that’s not justice! The defense rests, your honor.
I previously beseeched the public not to cast judgment on a raccoon in throes of addiction. Today I add, cast not your judgment on a raccoon being unfairly vilified in the press! Show us the proof, Hanover County! In the meantime, I hope Mr. Raccoon enjoys his proof more responsibly, maybe even with one of the cocktails Virginia ABC is peddling in his name. The three recipes are online, each one paired with its own image of a raccoon holding the drink in question.
PS — My “Trashed Panda” t-shirt arrived! It is everything you could ever dream of in a tee.
Photos credit: RDNE Stock Project on Pexels, Joshua J Cotten on Unsplash and Hanover County on Facebook