Ben Inman first met Patrick Aspbury when they were both just 12, after the pair were thrown together as the lucky winners of an extraordinary talent contest.
In an attempt to bring classical music into the mainstream, a nationwide search was launched in 2005 to find a talented young chorister. However, when the judges couldn’t decide on a single winner, Ben was signed alongside Patrick and 11-year-old CJ Porter-Thaw to form a classical boyband called The Choirboys.
The trio’s ordinary existence went stratospheric overnight.
Their £500,000 record deal with Universal Classics catapulted the three children into the limelight and over the following year, they appeared on TV, travelled the world and rubbed shoulders with stars.
It was a bittersweet success. On the edge of puberty, the boys all knew their voices were due to break and that their life-changing experience would be short-lived – but they had no clue how cruel life would turn out be.
‘I first met Patrick in the summer of 2005 in London, when we were taken to recording studios to record this album. He was incredibly high energy and always full of enthusiasm – he and CJ were just cheeky chappies,’ recalls 33-year-old Ben, who grew up in Nottinghamshire, but now lives in York.
‘We were just boys wanting to have fun. Patrick was into football, loved Tottenham, and had this massive talent. He was very switched on.’
The three quickly bonded and their relationship grew strong. ‘We were all very aware of how unique and lucky we were to be in that position. I don’t think we ever knew how much it would take off,’ Ben tells Metro.
Often seen as a welcome antidote to the manufactured reality pop groups of the time, The Choirboys self-titled debut album sold 100,000 copies in its first week, becoming the fastest-selling classical debut album in the UK at the time, and eventually went double platinum.
‘It snowballed. The three of us developed a friendship and support system. It was very intense and there was a huge amount of pressure. It was a crazy, surreal time,’ Ben remembers.
In one media interview, he jokingly said he would egg Westlife’s tour bus if they beat them to the Christmas number one.
‘Later, I was in the BBC studios canteen and we saw the band. One of them said, “Which one is going to egg our bus?” I remember thinking – this is disastrous! I hadn’t expected them to read that,’ laughs Ben.
The boys mingled with Girls Aloud, met movie director Peter Jackson and appeared on live radio and TV talk shows. But it wasn’t all celebrity stardust, he adds.
‘Everything had to be perfect. If we performed badly, the marketability of the group would tank, so there were lots of expectations,’ Ben explains.
‘I remember singing Tears in Heaven in Japan. We were going live on TV and heard the audience was 14 million people – we were all taken aback and Patrick froze. The backing started and when he should have come in, he didn’t. It felt like it was going on forever.’
After a year, Ben’s voice started to break, then Patrick’s, and the dream was quickly over. They boys went their separate ways, out of the public eye and back to school.
It was another difficult transition for Ben, who describes it as going ‘from nothing to something, then something to nothing again’.
‘As a young man, that was quite difficult, as there was an element of self-worth tied to my voice,’ he admits. ‘I was so lucky to reach that level of performance, so when it disappeared I felt like I lost a part of myself.’
Ben had missed a lot of school touring with the boys while others his age were settling into Year 7 and making friends. So whenthe band ended, he found it hard to fit in and got picked on by bullies.
‘As a result, I acted out massively. I was very disruptive and doing everything I could to mess about and try to make friends.’
He also remembers one occasion putting his hand up to perform in school one day, but a teacher quickly dismissed him, saying he’d had had enough limelight. It was a throw-away remark that stayed with Ben for years.
Despite spending so much time together in the group, Ben didn’t see much of Patrick and CJ after the band split.
Instead they kept in touch sporadically on Facebook Messenger, and while they didn’t talk often about their emotions, Ben appreciated the connection.
‘It was comforting to hear from Patrick and talk about random memories,’ he remembers.
Over the years, it became clear Patrick was struggling, as his messages became less coherent – but Ben had no idea how bad things had become until he heard on the news that his friend had been admitted to a psychiatric facility.
Having also stepped away from music and public life, Patrick was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia.
‘I have no idea if the end of The Choirboys or Patrick’s voice breaking had any impact on him or his diagnosis. I can only speak from my own experience of what we went through together at a young age,’ says Ben.
Even when he went to university, studying in York, Leeds and Cambridge, he still found things difficult.
‘I felt like I was an imposter, that I wasn’t good enough for myself, or others,’ he explains. ‘I struggled with social anxiety and would often get that fight or flight feeling and have to leave concerts, parties, or social events.’
Meanwhile, Patrick went to the University of Surrey, but abandoned his studies in his second year.
‘He’d send messages that became increasingly unpredictable,’ remembers Ben. ‘After months of silence, he would suddenly message something completely out of the blue, like: “How do I speak to girls?” There was no conversation, just that one question. From that point on, the messages I received became less coherent.’
PAPYRUS Prevention for Young Suicide
For practical, confidential suicide prevention help and advice please contact PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK on 0800 068 4141, text 07860 039967 or email pat@papyrus-uk.org
Although Patrick was under psychiatric care, he never discussed his diagnosis directly with Ben, who didn’t feel it was something he could approach with his former bandmate.
‘He was receiving support and I didn’t want to contact him out of the blue if he wasn’t in a good place,’ he says.
After graduating, Ben returned to singing and was travelling to a job in London on 12 April 2017 when CJ sent him a devastating message – Patrick had taken his own life that morning.
‘I was on a train and I remember feeling complete shock – for hours,’ he says. ‘CJ told me because he knew it would be in the press. I couldn’t comprehend how someone with so much potential could struggle so much that they might not feel there was another way.’
Ben went on to hisgig that day to fulfil his commitment, but afterwards questioned whether music was still making him happy.
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‘Hearing of Patrick’s death made me ask whether I was truly enjoying music. Life is short and things can change so quickly. I wondered what my future looked like?’
Eventually he gave up singing and moved into finance, and today Ben works as a group tax manager, singing only occasionally. For fresh focus, he also turned to physical challenges, channelling his energy into something constructive to honour his old friend.
Next summer, marking ten years since Patrick’s death, Ben hopes to complete a series of endurance challenges to raise £50,000 for youth suicide prevention charity Papyrus.
‘I’m not quite over the fact that Patrick is gone. This is a way of keeping his memory alive and honouring the time we shared and how it shaped me,’ he explains.
‘I want to use my time in a way that is productive and helpful. I want to raise as much awareness as possible for Papyrus, a charity Patrick supported during his life.’
With the help of coaches Sean Dodsworth of Leadout Performance and Ieuan Belshaw, Ben has taken on a series of physical challenges, progressing from half marathons to marathons, then to Ironman events and ultramarathons.
On 15 May, during Mental Health Awareness Week, Ben will attempt the Ultra-Trail Snowdonia 100-mile race as part of Project for Patrick, a multi-year endurance challenge series. Next year, he plans to take on Ironman Italy and the Marathon des Sables.
Ben adds: ’There are people out there suffering mentally and physically who cannot find hope or purpose. I feel privileged to be able to take on challenges like this, and I want to use that to raise awareness and funds. At the heart of all is Patrick, who felt he couldn’t continue.’