Just the idea of visiting France for most French-challenged Americans can seem more than a bit daunting due to the language barrier.
Alameda writer Mark Greenside says that based on his first visit as a 21-year-old in 1966 to Paris, where he ran into a buzzsaw of Parisian rudeness, he wasn’t eager to return.
In 1990, though, persuaded by his then-girlfriend, he decided to give France another chance and became smitten — not with Paris but the countryside of Brittany — France’s northwestern region just across the English Channel from Great Britain that in ancient times was settled by mostly Celtic people and for whom Brittany is named.
Greenside says that he was struck upon arriving by all the Celtic flags and how welcoming everyone was, unlike Parisians. It was no accident, as Bretons are said to have long considered themselves outsiders within France.
“And so they’re welcoming to outsiders,” says Greenside, who recently authored a new installment of his French memoir series, “I Am Finally, Finally French — My Accidental Life in Brittany.”
After breaking up with his girlfriend, Greenside says he decided to put down roots in Brittany. So in short order, he became the owner of a charming two-story, stone-walled, French country home in “Plobien,” Greenside’s fictitious name that he came up with for the undisclosed village where his summer home is — “plo” in Breton means “village,” and “bien” in French means “good,” so together the name means “good village.”
“Which it certainly has been for me,” says Greenside.
It was cheap too — he bought the place for the princely sum of $75,000 francs. At the time Greenside also worked full-time teaching history, English and other subjects for the Peralta Community College District’s various campuses in Alameda, Oakland and Berkeley. With his teacher’s schedule, Greenside began spending his summers in Brittany.
He also began writing about his experiences adjusting to and learning about French culture in a trilogy of memoirs. These include “I’ll Never Be French (2008),” the bestseller “(Not Quite) Mastering the Art of French Living (2018)” and his aforementioned latest work.
All display Greenside’s laugh-out-loud sense of humor about French customs — like having people over for dinner. One time he just casually ordered a pizza. Another, all he had on offer was a salad made with cheese (God forbid!). Taking pity, one of his newfound Breton friends pulled him aside to let him know this kind of behavior was not going to cut it and that dinner guests in France expect a seven-course meal — even for their dog, invited or not.
Greenside says he quickly upped his dinner game but still faces challenges, like getting a beehive dripping honey down the walls of one his home’s multiple chimneys removed. It took months and several visits from different specialists until it was cleaned up and properly plugged — along with a reassurance from the worker that the bees would eventually return. In France, “c’est la vie” (“that’s life”) apparently isn’t just a saying but a way of life.
Being the gracious, French-trained hosts they now are, Greenside and his wife, Donna Umeki, regularly have their visiting French pals stay at their Queen Anne home on Alameda’s West End. These visits have enlightened their friends to the Bay Area’s famous diversity.
“One of the things my French friends — all from Brittany — who’ve visited Alameda and the Bay Area noticed, felt and commented on was the diversity of people and cultures, and, being French, food.
“They loved (Alameda restaurants) La Penca Azul and Dragon Rouge. They enjoyed all the different-looking people. In Brittany, you see a few Asian people and Black people. There’s a small Turkish community and sometimes Roma, but basically and for most people it is White.
“Donna is Japanese. When she first started coming to Brittany, people would walk up to her, touch her hair and ask, ‘What are you?’ In the U.S., she’d deck anyone who touched her. There, she answered, ‘American.’ ‘No, no,’ they would persist. ‘What ARE you?’ ‘Japanese-American.’ And people were satisfied and pleased and sometimes asked more questions,” says Greenside.
Greenside says Alameda’s plethora of Victorians also impresses his French visitors.
“They’re just now starting to introduce wooden houses. All around France, nobody has houses like the Victorians we have,” says Greenside.
Umeki regularly posts pictures of them on Facebook. Still on their summer-in-France schedule Greenside, 81 and now retired, and Umeki, spend the rest of the year in Alameda, minus a monthlong sidebar to Greenside’s native New York City.
“I like the amenities of urban life. I like theater, I like museums, I like art, and I want to do those things. I also have friends here, and Donna has family here. So now when we could spend more time there, we still don’t,” says Greenside. Also, missing French winters is fine with them both.
“Even the people who live there don’t want to be there in the winter,” he says.
Greenside’s latest tome can be purchased in all the usual places. To keep up with the author, visit his website at markgreenside.com.
Paul Kilduff is a San Francisco-based writer who also draws cartoons. He can be reached at pkilduff350@gmail.com.