DEAR ABBY: After my father died by suicide, my mother moved the family across the country. I was 13, and I never discussed my father’s death with anyone.
Now, 50 years later, my best friend from high school has terminated our friendship because I don’t support her politics. Her parting comment to me: “I was only nice to you because your mom told me how your dad died.” Abby, I had plenty of friends in high school. I was senior class president, and I have gone on to have a successful life.
I was always there for my friend when she had marital and other difficulties. I am struggling with processing such profound cruelty from a lifelong friend, and I would welcome your guidance. — GRAPPLING IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR GRAPPLING: The statement from your “lifelong friend” was mean, cruel and unnecessary. It was intended to hurt you.
I don’t know if you realize what a strong woman you are. Although your family experienced a severe trauma that necessitated geographic relocation, you managed to thrive in your new environment. You were popular with peers and have gone on to build a successful life. Count your blessings.
The person you describe may have been a friend at one time, but she has used the current political climate as an excuse to distance herself. Step back and be glad she showed her true colors. You are well rid of her.
DEAR ABBY: Although my wife and I (we are both women) have stuck it out for nearly 40 years, there has been some dysfunction. Her brother was snuck in 10 years ago, and he’s very mouthy. He has always been whiny and entitled, but now he likes to yell, expecting silence in return.
We live in a small house. What if I flipped out every time he disturbed my sleep? It’s half my house! I’m disabled and retired and living on Social Security benefits. My wife refuses to back me up and tell her brother he doesn’t get to disrespect me. I don’t want to spend the end of my life like this. It would be my hell. Things are not looking great. I love her, and she has stepped up in so many ways, but not in this. Please advise. — CROWDED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR CROWDED: What do you mean your wife “snuck her brother in” 10 years ago? (Did a two-week visit magically turn into 10 years?) As half owner of that house, you are entitled to live in it without being berated by a deadbeat.
Talk to an attorney. Learn your rights as a spouse in California. If the house were sold and you received your half of its value, your life might be brighter than it is now. Of course, the alternative is that you and your wife tell your brother-in-law to find another roost to rule.
DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you on this Veterans Day. You personify patriotism, self-sacrifice and dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made while you were serving your country. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 446, Kings Mills, OH 45034-0446. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)