DEAR ABBY: My grandmother passed away 16 years ago. Before she passed, she told me and my two kids that she had an account for each of them for their college. After she was gone, my aunt was in charge of her will. My kids never got their money, and my aunt would never let me see my grandmother’s will.
I heard my grandmother ask my aunt if she had filed her will at the courthouse, and my aunt told her she did. But when I went to the courthouse, the will was not on file. How do I raise the subject of my kids’ inheritance with my aunt? Right now, I’m living with her. How do I do this without causing an argument in the family? — OWED IN GEORGIA
DEAR OWED: If you were named in your grandmother’s will, you had a right to see the document. For your aunt to disregard her mother’s wishes and hoard the money for herself is theft. There may not be a way to avoid an “argument” about this, which is why you should have a lawyer raise the subject with her if you can afford to consult one. (I hope there is still money left after all this time.)
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a condo with a fireplace. We burn a wood fire regularly when the weather is cool. It’s how we heat our living room and TV area. One of our neighbors is complaining that the smoke from the fire is bothering her — she has pulmonary problems and says she can’t breathe or even keep her windows open for fresh air. She has asked us to stop using it. She says if we don’t, it will affect our friendship.
We have cleaned our fireplace regularly and placed a new, larger flue on the chimney, but it didn’t help. No other neighbors have complained. What can we say to her, and what obligation do we have to her? — TWO SENIOR FIREPLACE LOVERS
DEAR TWO: Your neighbor is a sick woman. She’s complaining about the smoke because when you use the fireplace to heat your living area, it affects her breathing — something people need to do in order to LIVE. Your obligation to her depends upon how you feel about observing the Golden Rule. If you feel any compassion for the plight of others, buy an electric heater (there are many good ones that won’t break the bank), quit smoking your poor neighbor out and thank your higher power you don’t have her problem.
DEAR ABBY: I had plastic surgery several years ago. I don’t feel I am required to divulge this information to anyone. When I’m asked my age, I don’t lie, yet I do get “the look” from people who know how old I am. I find it embarrassing. What do I say or do when asked (because, believe it or not, some people do ask)? — LOOKING YOUNGER IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR LOOKING YOUNGER: Respond as follows: “Thank you for the compliment! Each night I wash my face with soap and water and, when the weather is cold and dry, I apply a little moisturizer. YOU should try it.” (Remember that you don’t have to give a direct answer to every question that’s asked.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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