DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, “Carla,” has had a “girlfriend,” “Susan,” for the past year who she has never met or spoken to. They only text. Carla says they plan to be married when they meet, which is canceled repeatedly. When I have asked, Carla has confusing reasons why they can’t FaceTime or speak on the phone.
Carla volunteered to come early for her yearly stay to assist us because I was having surgery. My husband bought her a plane ticket, but she decided not to use it, as Susan was going to come with her and could not travel on that date. When my surgery was done, my husband had little help. Carla did arrive a week or so later (without Susan).
Yesterday she shared with me that she was looking for a particular gift card. I asked, despite knowing I shouldn’t, who the gift cards were for, and she told me they were for Susan. I don’t want to assist her in getting scammed. Is there anything I can do to help my sister-in-law? Do I just mind my own business? — WISE BROTHER-IN-LAW IN ARIZONA
DEAR WISE B.I.L.: There are so many red flags in your letter that it is alarming. Your sister-in-law may be being catfished or romance-scammed. A classic warning sign is involvement with someone who can’t or won’t converse on the phone or face-to-face. This happens when the person is not the gender or age they claim to be. Promising to meet and having to constantly postpone the meeting is another red flag. Carla is making a huge mistake by sending this “friend” money. Gift cards are a common conduit used by catfishers.
Romance scams happen so frequently that the FBI has a special unit that investigates them. Complaints can be filed via the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at fbi.gov. It goes without saying that Carla should cease all contact with this person immediately and notify the complaint center.
DEAR ABBY: A close family member was arrested for child pornography. He is now out of jail. My husband and I have decided he is not to be around our children under any circumstances. My husband’s mother is having a hard time with this and says we are “breaking up the family.” She says our family should be able to be around this person as long as our kids are supervised. However, we feel this isn’t her decision to make. My husband and I agree on the boundaries we have set, but she continues to question them and guilt us for our decision. What’s the best way to move forward? — PROTECTOR IN TEXAS
DEAR PROTECTOR: The best way to move forward is to stick to your guns. This relative has shown he isn’t to be trusted around children. Protecting your children is your job. Keeping the family together despite the fact that this person is a threat to them is not. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
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