DEAR ABBY: I have a younger brother who has moved back to the area where the rest of our siblings live. He went for 30 years without keeping in close contact with anyone during that time. He’s the youngest of 10 children, and our mother spoiled him rotten. He’s in his 60s now and still acts like an immature spoiled child. Our father had to bail him out of financial situations more times than I can count. Despite that, he hated our father and announced it when he came home for Dad’s funeral.
The problem we’re having now is that he constantly tries to stir up problems between the rest of us. Until he returned, we were a close-knit family. None of my other family members want anything to do with him, and they refuse invitations to get together if he will be there.
Abby, I love my brother, but I’m tired of his behavior. He had a drug problem when he lived out of state. He claims he’s clean now, but he has now replaced the drugs with alcohol. How can I get my family back without him if he isn’t willing to admit he is the problem? — SIBLING SITUATION IN WISCONSIN
DEAR SIBLING: Stop inviting your brother to these gatherings. The sooner you do, the sooner he will learn the consequences of trying to stir up trouble among the siblings. Unless there are consequences for his behavior, it won’t stop. His behavior isn’t unusual for an addict. By that, I mean it is common for an addict to replace his drug addiction with another one and even more common to deny having a problem.
There’s a program that was created decades ago called Al-Anon. Al-Anon (al-anon.org) is an offshoot of Alcoholics Anonymous, created for anyone who is affected by a loved one’s drinking. It holds meetings everywhere, and you should have no trouble locating one near you. Attend some of those meetings, which are free of charge. When you do, you will meet others with problems similar to the one you are having.
DEAR ABBY: I have been planning a dream trip to Europe with some family members. The people I’m traveling with are young and like to take selfies everywhere, which takes a lot of time. I don’t care about doing that type of thing. They are “girly girls,” and I am plain. I never know what to do while they are doing these things. They love hair and makeup and take up valuable time with these activities. I don’t begrudge them this, but do you have any advice on what to say or do while I wait around? — FRETTING THIS TRIP
DEAR FRETTING: When people take selfies as they travel, part of the fun is capturing themselves against picturesque landscapes, famous landmarks or works of art. If you don’t want to be in the photos, keeping a visual record of your journey can still be fulfilling. Develop your photo or video skills by focusing on the scenery the girls are using as backdrops. If you are artistically inclined, a sketchbook may be more your speed. If images aren’t your thing, bring a travel journal in which you can jot down your impressions and favorite aspects of the places you visit.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.