DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, a close friend of my husband’s and mine asked us to be the “best couple” in their wedding. After being postponed for a year due to some family issues, the wedding is coming up soon. My husband and I have been married 25 years. We have a strong, faithful bond.
Last weekend, we were informed that we won’t be paired together. Neither of us is happy with this news. We feel that our friends are not respectful of our relationship. I’m baffled about why the “best couple” wouldn’t be paired together. I’m so upset that I have cried for days. I feel disrespected, betrayed and unvalued.
I don’t want us to be paired with other partners. I told our friends I’m not comfortable with my husband walking with another woman, and me walking with another man, but I was ignored. I no longer want to even go to the wedding. Am I being unreasonable? — COMMITTED BUT UNHAPPY
DEAR COMMITTED: Please dry your tears. You may have blown this out of proportion. For the last quarter of a century, you and your husband have been known to be a solid couple. I don’t know why the bride and groom are asking you to walk down the aisle separately. It could be something as simple as pairing attendants who are similar heights. Participate in the wedding and support your friends. It is only for one day and, I assume, you will be seated with your husband after the ceremony.
DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for 40 years. Now I have an issue. I have been taking care of my wife’s uncle for the last two years. He had a stroke, and I became a certified nursing assistant. I stay home and take care of him 24/7. My wife does not help. Recently, her sister decided to return to college to finish her RN and moved in with us. She does not help at all.
I decided to go back to school to get my master’s. I work 60 hours a week and also work on my master’s in cybersecurity. I told my wife that if her sister doesn’t move out by the end of the year, I am moving out. We are putting her uncle back in a nursing home. I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE. In the last two years, I have had only four days off. When I had the flu, no laundry was done.
Am I a bad person for wanting a career? Am I a bad person for wanting a house with just my wife and me? — EXHAUSTED IN THE EAST
DEAR EXHAUSTED: It was loving and generous of you to enroll in classes to become a CNA so you could give your wife’s uncle the care he needed. That she did nothing to lighten your burden, and then invited her sister to move in without first clearing it with you, was wrong.
Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and it appears you have been doing all the heavy lifting. You are not a bad person for wanting a career and the financial benefits it will bring, and you should not be made to feel guilty for it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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