DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband curses all the time. As he ages, it has gotten worse.
I used to be able to get him to curb his cursing when in the company of elders and children, but now he doesn’t care.
I used to take him to office functions, like company dinners or business galas, but I hesitate now because he may begin cursing like a sailor at the most inappropriate moment. It’s almost as if he has lost a filter now that he is older.
How can I get him to be aware of his behavior? If he refuses to tone it down, I fear I won’t be able to take him places anymore.
— No Cursing Allowed
DEAR NO CURSING ALLOWED: People who know your husband well already know that he has a foul mouth. While you don’t like it, it’s OK for him to be in their company as his behavior is expected.
When it comes to work functions, think twice. If you believe that your husband’s behavior will negatively impact your reputation, stop bringing him to those functions. When asked where he is, just say that he couldn’t make it.
Make sure you are not overreacting. A lot of people curse — a lot. Survey your landscape to do a gut check on this before you make your decision.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got promoted at work, which I was really excited about until things got awkward with a close colleague of mine.
Before the promotion, we were on the same level, working side by side for over two years. Now that I’m her supervisor, the dynamic has changed, and it’s been uncomfortable.
She’s been distant ever since I got promoted. She doesn’t talk to me the same way, and when we do interact, there’s this underlying tension that didn’t exist before.
I’ve tried to keep things as normal as possible, but I can tell she’s hurt or maybe resentful. I can’t help but wonder if she expected to get the promotion herself, or if she feels betrayed that I didn’t warn her ahead of time.
At the same time, I want to do well in this new role and not feel like I have to downplay my success.
Is there a way to rebuild the trust and keep our friendship intact while also stepping into this leadership position, or is this just one of those situations where personal and professional lines should not be crossed?
— Moving Up
DEAR MOVING UP: Sometimes promotions provoke work friendship casualties. While this is not what you want, at the moment, your responsibility is to do your job.
Dig in and learn everything you can. Stay laser-focused about the work. Check in regularly with your supervisor to track your progress.
If you feel comfortable enough to speak frankly with your supervisor, ask for advice on navigating the changing dynamics of office friendships as you grow at the company.
What you are experiencing is common, even as it is painful. What you can do is continue to be respectful and friendly to this person, but you cannot change how she feels.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.