DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine wasn’t going to be able to make rent this month. She was stressed and didn’t know what to do, so I helped her out and lent her the money.
I didn’t want her to risk getting evicted or falling further behind.
Now that a few weeks have passed, I’m starting to feel uneasy. She hasn’t brought up paying me back, and I haven’t asked because I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable.
I know she’s still trying to get back on her feet financially. At the same time, I’m not sure when or whether I should expect the money to come back. If she couldn’t afford rent before, I don’t see how she’ll suddenly have extra cash to repay me on top of her other expenses.
I didn’t set clear terms when I gave her the money, which I now realize might’ve been a mistake.
I value our friendship, but I can’t afford to give away money without some sort of plan.
How do I approach this without damaging our relationship or making her feel like I’m putting pressure on her during a hard time?
— Payback
DEAR PAYBACK: It’s unrealistic to expect your money back soon. Yes, you should have established a payment plan before, but here you are.
Ask your friend when and how she intends to repay this debt, but know that it will not likely be in the near future. You need to be OK with that.
You chose to lend her the money without making a plan. It might even be best to consider the loan a gift to her and a lesson learned for you.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom is such a hard worker! She has an incredible story that includes learning English as her second language, going to college, struggling to find work, going back to college while pregnant to pursue a more promising path, graduating and providing for me and my siblings for as long as I can remember.
She is now on her way to retirement, and it feels long overdue. She can barely contain her excitement!
Recently, my mom received some bad news regarding her vision, which is deteriorating. Her mood as of late has totally shifted.
I don’t want this well-deserved rest and reclaiming of her own life to be overshadowed by health issues, but I don’t know what to do to lift her spirits. I try to be present with her for important appointments, and I research remedies.
Is there anything else I can do to get her positivity back on track?
— Supermom
DEAR SUPERMOM: Life has a way of throwing curveballs into the schedule that we create for ourselves. Just as your mother is on the brink of a huge pivot in her life, she has to face a health challenge. Yes, it seems unfair, but it is real.
Be there for your mom. Assure her that whatever happens, you and the family will rally to support her. She can still look forward to retirement, but now there is more on her plate to handle than she thought.
Thank goodness she will be able to retire before a health setback could make it impossible for her to work. Help her to see the blessings in each moment. Just be present for her.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.