DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved into a new apartment building recently, and while I love the location and my unit, I’ve been having a tricky time with one of my neighbors.
They frequently leave passive-aggressive notes about noise, even when I’m careful to keep my music low and avoid loud activities. Sometimes the notes feel exaggerated or unfair, and it’s starting to make me anxious every time I move around my apartment.
I don’t want to start a confrontation or create hostility, but I also don’t want to constantly tiptoe around my own home or feel guilty for simply living my life.
I’ve considered introducing myself in person to smooth things over, but I’m nervous that could backfire and make the tension worse. I also worry that the building management won’t take my side if it escalates, and I don’t want this situation to affect my enjoyment of my new home.
I just want to find a way to coexist peacefully without feeling like I’m walking on eggshells every day.
How can I handle this situation in a calm, respectful way that sets boundaries, preserves my peace and prevents further passive-aggressive behavior?
— No More Notes
DEAR NO MORE NOTES: If you know where the notes are coming from, consider leaving a note for that person saying you are making an effort to be mindful of your environment, and you would appreciate it if they would stop with the notes.
If you don’t know who it is, leave a note on your door for them stating the same and suggesting that you hope you two can live harmoniously as you love your new home.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I booked a vacation with a group of close friends months ago, and I’ve been looking forward to it. However, recently I’ve developed a fear of flying, and the thought of getting on the plane is making me anxious.
I’m worried that my anxiety could ruin the trip for me, and I feel torn because I don’t want to cancel and disappoint my friends or miss out on what should be a fun experience.
I’ve tried to prepare myself by reading articles about flying safety and even practicing relaxation techniques, but my fear keeps getting worse as the travel date approaches.
I feel guilty admitting this fear to my friends because I don’t want them to think I’m being dramatic or letting them down. At the same time, the idea of sitting on a plane fills me with dread, and I’m not sure how I can manage it without professional help.
Should I try to push through my fear and go, risking panic or discomfort, or should I be honest with my friends and possibly back out, even though I know it may disappoint them? How can I handle this situation in a way that respects both my mental health and my friendships?
— Fear of Flying
DEAR FEAR OF FLYING: Do two things now: Tell your friends what’s going on with you. It would be far worse to get to the date and your plans backfire and they have to absorb the cost of your absence. Second, get a therapist to help you work through your fear.
Try to figure out the source of your anxiety so that you can release it, even if it takes longer to resolve than your departure date.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.