DEAR HARRIETTE: I started making pottery as a new hobby, and I love it, but my roommate keeps making jokes about how messy it is.
She calls it a “mud factory” and even moves my supplies around without asking, which makes it hard for me to focus or enjoy my work.
At first, I tried to laugh it off and tell myself it’s harmless teasing, but it’s starting to get under my skin. I look forward to pottery as a way to relax and express myself, and I feel like I shouldn’t have to feel embarrassed about something that brings me joy.
The tension has started to affect our overall living environment. Sometimes I catch myself avoiding my own hobby just to keep the peace, which makes me feel resentful and frustrated. I’ve tried dropping hints about needing space and respect, but my roommate doesn’t seem to take it seriously.
I don’t want to start arguments or make our apartment uncomfortable, but I also don’t want to give up something that’s important to me.
How can I set boundaries with my roommate in a way that feels firm but fair, and keep a positive and friendly living environment?
— Hobby Gone Wrong
DEAR HOBBY GONE WRONG: Where are you doing your pottery? This is likely your roommate’s problem.
Pottery is a messy hobby that generates a lot of dust. It is typically something people do in a studio, garage or other enclosed area that is away from living space. If you have your wheel set up in a common area, your roommate is probably uncomfortable with that, and justifiably so.
Find a place in your home that is separate from her — even if it is in your personal bedroom. The only drawback there is that you really don’t want to breathe in that dust when you are sleeping. If you have an outdoor area, put it there.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have friends, but I don’t feel like I truly connect with them or have a strong bond like you see in the movies.
We hang out and have fun, but something is missing — like they don’t really get me on a deeper level.
I see other people who seem to have soulmate-type friendships, where they can talk about anything and fully trust each other, and I can’t help but feel jealous. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if I haven’t met the right people yet.
How do I build more meaningful friendships that feel genuine and lasting? I try to open up more, but sometimes it feels like others aren’t as willing to go there emotionally.
It makes me question if I’m expecting too much from my friendships or if I just haven’t found people who align with me. I want to feel seen and supported, not just have surface connections.
Sometimes I find myself pulling back because I don’t want to seem needy or overly emotional. I just wish I knew how to create friendships that feel real and mutually fulfilling.
— Shallow
DEAR SHALLOW: Deep friendships grow over time — sometimes years. You will be lucky to have one or two in a lifetime, and that’s OK.
Rather than searching for something that may not be there right now, get to know the friends you have better and notice your synergies.
Life is not the movies. Just be yourself and get closer to people naturally. Let it take however long it takes to blossom.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.