DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister won’t answer my calls or call me back, and I have no idea what I did wrong.
She has never been great at communicating, but now she has gone radio silent.
At first, I thought she was just busy, but it’s been a while now, and I’m starting to worry that something is really wrong between us. I’ve tried texting her, leaving voicemails and even reaching out through social media, but I haven’t gotten any response.
Unfortunately, she lives across the country from me, so I can’t just visit her house.
I’ve called my parents to see if she’s been in contact with them, and they say that she has.
I don’t want to push too hard and make things worse, but at the same time, I don’t want to sit back and let our relationship fade.
Should I give her space and wait for her to come around, or should I try to get to the bottom of what’s going on? I love my sister and don’t want to lose our connection, but I’m not sure what to do next.
— Sibling Chasm
DEAR SIBLING CHASM: Clearly, your sister does not want to talk to you. Whatever her reasons are, you are not going to find out right now. You have no choice but to wait.
You can write her a letter telling her that you miss her and are concerned that she has cut off communication with you. Apologize for anything that you may have said or done that caused her to disengage from you. Ask her to reach out when she is ready.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a basketball coach, and I have two players on my team who just can’t seem to get along.
No matter what I do, they are constantly bickering, and it’s starting to affect not just their performance but the entire team’s dynamic.
I’ve already tried sitting them down to talk things out, hoping they could find common ground, but I haven’t seen much of a difference. They’re both talented players, and I know they care about the game, but their inability to work together is becoming a real problem.
I don’t want this tension to bring down the morale of the rest of the team, but I also don’t want to pick sides or handle this unfairly.
What’s the best way to encourage teamwork and resolve conflicts between players who just don’t see eye to eye? Should I involve their parents, or would that just make things worse?
— At Odds
DEAR AT ODDS: If you have a deep enough bench that you can do without these players for a bit, replace them with others and tell them that they cannot come back unless they figure out how to behave better.
Yes, do speak to their parents to inform them of the bad behavior and to ask if anything is going on in their kids’ lives that would lead to the agitation that you are witnessing. Ask the parents to support their children by talking to them and helping to get to the reason for this behavior. You can work with the school’s guidance counselor on an intervention as well.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.