Q. My husband and I, 83 and 81, respectively, will be married 60 years in December. We are a small family of eight – two children with spouses and two teenage grandchildren. Everyone is different. What are your suggestions for a family celebration? We live in Southern California. W.H.
Congratulations! Reaching 60 years of marriage is considered rare, with only two percent of married couples attaining that milestone, according to a study cited in 2018 by Bowling Green State University.
Before addressing your question, let’s talk about long-term marriages.
There are notables who share the spotlight with you who have already celebrated their 60th.
Here are just a few examples: The late president Jimmy Carter and his wife Rosalynn were married for 77 years until Rosalynn’s death, the longest-married couple in presidential history. A few actors who are currently in long-term marriages are Alan and Arlene Alda, who have been married for 68 years, as well Martin Sheen and Jan Templeton, married for 62 years.
While on the subject, let’s talk about just four common characteristics shared by long-term married couples as identified in the Epidemiology and Health Journal
Religion: For many couples, religion and spirituality provide coping strategies that lead to commitment, their ability to accept diversity as well as providing a sense of family and community, all leading to marital stability.
Commitment: This refers to having a commitment to marriage in spite of difficulties and knowing that such difficulties can be resolved. The two individuals consider themselves a couple with a sense of togetherness and a common future.
Responsiveness: This refers to being responsive to the emotions of one’s partner. And positive rather than negative emotional engagement is reported to lead to happiness, a factor in marital stability.
Sexual satisfaction: Some researchers found that sexual satisfaction was necessary for marital stability. Others found it was not necessary; what was paramount was good communication.
Now, to finally answer your question: “How to celebrate?”
I spoke to three couples who reflected on their 60th. They shared two common characteristics: Family and food.
One couple, whose children were away at college, took an Uber to a special restaurant that they had wanted to try for five years. They had a delicious dinner and shared a bottle of wine.
Another couple with children on both coasts had two celebrations. Both included special dinners in fine restaurants with sons, daughters, mates and grandchildren. All chipped in for a special gift of a crystal work of art to mark the occasion.
Another couple said they did nothing special. She is age 88; he is 94. They indicated that getting out was becoming difficult, so they had dinner at their children’s home, which is where they live. However, when I asked about doing anything special, the reply was, “Oh yes, we had a roast beef dinner and a delicious marble cake.”
The 60th anniversary is known as the Diamond Anniversary. This began with Queen Victoria, who in 1897 celebrated 60 years on the throne, and deemed it the Diamond Jubilee. However, there are other ways to celebrate besides gifts of diamonds.
Here are a few suggestions that provide opportunities for shared and memorable experiences.
- Enjoy a quiet family dinner at a favorite restaurant.
- Renew your vows in a ceremony with a family celebration to follow.
- Take a special trip with family. Perhaps a cruise. It could be to a local spot, such as Catalina Island or something bigger like Alaska or Europe.
- Get tickets to a show or concert for the family, followed by dinner.
- Have a party at a restaurant or hotel.
- Hire a professional photographer for everyone to have a quality photo for years.
- Create a family tree where each member of your family can write a message. Save it and frame it.
- Plan a day trip to a nearby destination that none or just a few family members have visited.
- Consider taking a cooking or art class together.
- Create a religious moment or two. You might ask for a Papal blessing, a blessing from your local minister or priest or witness the reading of the weekly portion of the Torah, a Jewish tradition.
Celebrating 60 years of marriage is a time for joy, gratitude, family, and legacy. Note, friends count too. It’s a time for love, laughter, and cherished memories.
Thank you, W.H., for your wonderful question. It reminds us to celebrate important moments with our gift of time. Happy anniversary and enjoy your special occasion.
Just a reminder, spread your glow of kindness.
Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity