I had no idea my phone had photo filters until I saw my 8-year-old daughter taking selfies.
Most of them were innocuous enhancements — butterflies as a halo, bunny ears, pink glasses or bubbles. One of the photos showed her dolled up in makeup. Then she put me in the pictures. Smooth skin with nary a blemish. Luscious lashes. Perfect red lip. Thickened eyebrows. I realized I looked like an Instagram model and had been somewhat oblivious to just how far the filters transform women in the digital space.
I’m grown and could see the lure of filters; I was transformed into a hottie. But I’m not interested in pretending online. Then I thought about the social media pressures young girls and women face — the pervasiveness of looking perfect on social media and in real life.
How do I help my almost-tween not succumb to these pressures when she gets older?
First — look at the data. Second — resist the urge to demonize social media. Third — instill as much media literacy as possible.
According to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, teenagers had 23,527 cosmetic surgery procedures in 2022. Of course, there are many reasons why teens decide to have surgery that have nothing to do with American beauty standards, but researchers have found that social media usage does impact the desire to undergo cosmetic procedures. Medical professionals even dubbed the phenomenon “snapchat dysmorphia” to explain the desire to look like the edited and filtered versions on social media. Influencers and celebrities don’t help. Although the former are being enticed with free or cheap cosmetic procedures. Young women as young as 19 are going under the knife to sway their followers.
Even before TikTok, body images were unrealistic
For me, these statistics are juxtaposed with data about girls’ behavior. According to Ruling Our eXperiences (ROX), which surveys girls nationwide, 57% don’t believe they’re smart enough for their dream career and 79% feel they will explode from pressure. This data isn’t just about teenagers. Fifth and sixth grade girls saw the biggest declines in confidence and self-perception and 46% of fifth grade girls reported six or more hours a day on social media.
Raising digital children requires patience and affirmation. We must emphasize that online public images are curated and sometimes fake. (Adults could stand reminders, too.) But our children don’t always want to take advice or lectures from parents. I find Chicago-area scholar Devorah Heitner a balm and a guide. Her latest book is “Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World.”
She reminds parents that young people not wanting to look bad or them wanting to fit in pre-dates social media. We just don’t have the images as proof of different styles or personas we tried on. We had the space that wasn’t frozen in a digital history. Magazines and other media upheld unrealistic body image standards long before TikTok.
But photo-based social media apps also allow kids to read people’s comments on those images, which leads to young people comparing themselves to others or becoming obsessed with “likes.”
Heitner’s advice is not to invoke a scared-straight approach because it makes our kids feel like they are being watched but not seen. Monitored but not understood.
“Instead, we can focus on helping our children build character (who they are) over threatening consequences (the bad things that can happen to them) to enable them to independently and reliably navigate their own boundaries, privacy, and reputation,” she writes.
For Heitner, mentoring and modeling is more affirming in helping children be discerning on social media.
That can mean parents putting down their phones or resisting the urge to alter our own photos. We’re not immune to influencers or likes either.
Or the algorithms.
While researching this piece, which included clicking on links and studies about the effects of social media and beauty, an ad popped up on my Facebook page. It was for a Botox special. I deleted it.
Natalie Y. Moore is a senior lecturer at Northwestern University.
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