Thank you, Gisele Pélicot – I’ll call you brave no matter what you say

‘Shame must change sides.’

Arguably one of the most powerful quotes of recent times, courtesy of a woman who – despite the horrors she’s endured – remains committed to ensuring this is where it ends. Not just for her, but for women everywhere.

Gisele Pélicot has been catapulted to feminist hero status in recent years after bravely standing up against the alleged perpetrators of her sexual violence.

Four years ago, police knocked at her door, and her life changed as she knew it. Exposing the alleged crimes, it came to light that her partner of 50 years, Dominique Pélicot, drugged her and invited droves of men to rape her while she was unconscious.

This continued for around a decade, but it took until September 2020 for Pélicot’s horrendous alleged crimes to be uncovered when he was reportedly arrested for taking upskirting photos of other women in a supermarket.

It was then that tens of thousands of files were unearthed, documenting the sexual violence Gisele – now 72 – allegedly suffered, as he admitted to recruiting dozens of other men to rape her.

Investigators drew up a list of 72 suspects, of which 51 – including Dominique – (aged between 26 and 74) have been identified and are now facing trial.

While Gisele has sat silently in the courtroom from the start of last month, watching the evidence of her own volition, she has been anything but silent to the world. And it is that fortitude and incredible resilience that have already permanently altered the way we talk about abuse.

Gisele insisted that her trial be public, with her name published in the press and videos of her husband’s crimes exhibited in court. This is something she did to stand in solidarity with women whose abuse often goes unnoticed and unpunished.

This certainly isn’t a decision any woman should have to make in her lifetime, but Gisele’s courage has solidified her as a true force for change. It sends a powerful message to those who, sadly, understand all too well what she’s been through.

‘It’s not for us to have shame, it’s for them,’ she has declared defiantly, extending a hand out to fellow survivors as a means of encouraging them to, not necessarily stand on a pedestal and become advocates, but simply to change their perceptions of their abuse.

Gisele consistently makes one thing clear, and it is a message we must repeat time and time again until the narrative is altered – it is not your fault.

The reaction to Gisele’s story has been nothing short of powerful (Picture: AFP/GETTY)

‘I want all women who have been raped to say: Madame Pélicot did it; I can too. I don’t want them to be ashamed any longer,’ Gisele said when requesting for her alleged rapes to be public and her trial to take place on the world stage.

In doing so, she has become a beacon of hope to women who have endured abuse of all degrees. Gisele has kickstarted a momentum that will help ensure culprits are not only brought to justice but forced to see shameful reflections as they look in the mirror – the very same shame that has imprisoned their victims for centuries.

Now, the shackle is on the other foot.

On October 23, Gisele took the stand for the first time, expressing her devastation as she must now rebuild her life with the knowledge that her ‘darling’ husband was nothing of the sort.

In breaking down and professing that she feels both ‘destroyed’ and ‘betrayed’, Gisele also opens her heart to the public and reminds survivors that their pain is valid; it’s OK not to feel strong and empowered.

Her voice cracking and tears forming, Gisele, who filed for divorce in December 2021, told her former partner: ‘I wish I could still call him Dominique. We lived together for 50 years. I was a happy, fulfilled woman.

‘You were a caring, attentive husband, and I never doubted you. We shared laughter and tears.’

Gisele’s emotive testimony was followed by her plea not to be viewed as brave. Although, considering everything she risked in coming forward with her story, it’s practically impossible to view her as anything but.

‘I’ve been told I’m brave. This isn’t being brave; it’s having the will and determination to change society.

‘Bravery means jumping into the sea to rescue someone. I just have will and determination.’

While Gisele may not be physically jumping into the water to save someone from drowning, the significance of her efforts in recent months cannot be downplayed.

Anytime she has faced her husband in court or spoken about her abuse, she has, metaphorically, plunged into the depths of the ocean. No safety net or contingency plan, just the determination to help other victims stay afloat through life while fearing they have already drowned.

‘This is why I come here every day,’ she added, ‘Even if I hear unspeakable things, I am holding on because of all the men and women who are right behind me.’

The reaction to Gisele’s story has been nothing short of powerful, with thousands having lined the streets to protest and flooded social media with messages of strength.

This solidarity is especially hard-hitting when we consider how France has grappled with changing its attitudes towards victims of sexual violence and ongoing abuse in the wake of the #MeToo movement.

Louis Bonnet, mayor of Mazan, the southern French town of 6,000 ­people where the Pélicots resided, sparked rage in the aftermath of her husband’s arrest, arguing that ‘no women were killed’, before apologising.

Ultimately, as Gisele continues to send powerful messages of hope and inspiration out into the world, we must send her one back.

No woman should become the face of a sexual violence movement at any age, and there’s something to unpack in how the entire trial has largely focused on Gisele’s experiences and pain rather than the abhorrent alleged crimes her husband and others committed. When we click on a news article regarding such events, it is not his face we are greeted with; it is Gisele’s.

However, Gisele is not alone, as millions of women have her back. This is exhibited in a multitude of ways, whether it’s by marching with a placard, ranting furiously in an online forum, or simply deciding to remove ourselves from toxic situations in our own lives because we can recognise that we deserve better.

To do what she has done and ignite a reaction unlike anything we’ve ever seen, Gisele Pélicot has cemented herself as a trailblazer. Whether she wishes to be viewed as one or not, there’s no denying that the conversations we will now have about abuse are going to change.

For that, Gisele – thank you.

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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