Satire and spoof spawned several unnamed NFL franchises to file proposals Thursday with the league to outlaw blocked field goals at next year’s owners meetings, sources told Heavy, after the Philadelphia Eagles stuffed two Rams’ kicks in the fourth quarter of last Sundayâs epic 33-26 comeback win. The argument being floated to the competition committee? You guessed it – safety.
One executive who asked to remain amonomous claims the left side of the kicking formation is âunprotected and vulnerable to sudden impact,â while another raised concerns about âpotential lower-body injuries since some of the kicking team linemen have been deemed vulnerable to ‘decleation’ by much bigger opponents.” Others cited the mental toll the snuffed kicks have on place-kickers. âWeâre talking about bruised egos, shattered confidence, and potential careers derailed by humiliation,â one GM said.
BubbaChuck Ban?
The movement hasnât stopped there. A.J. Brownâs Allen Iverson-style step-over, where he caught a critical fourth quarter, third down pass and stepped over Rams cornerback Darious Williams (yes, the same Darious Wiliams that Saquon Barkley famously leaped over backwards last year) like he was Tyronn Lue in the 2001 NBA Finals and scampered his way for 15 more yards, has reportedly been brought up in closed-door conversations. Critics say Brown’s copy-cat move is “condescending and aesthetically damagingâ and âunsafe for the dignity of cornerbacks” specifically citing mental health concerns for it’s players. NFL rules analyst Dean Blandino was even quoted as saying, âWe canât have receivers Iverson-ing defenseless, Rageddy Ann-like defensive backs. Itâs impossible to officiate dignity.â Williams was sent to Jefferson Hospital overnight for observation Sunday when rumors began circulating after the game that Brown and his move is the current front-runner for the cover of Madden – 27 next year.
Oh Mercy
Then thereâs Philadelphiaâs 19-point comeback, their second largest comeback in franchise history. Multiple sources indicated owners are grumbling that such swings create âunsafe stress levelsâ for opposing fans, including dangerous spikes in blood pressure, cortisol swings, aerterial fribulation, and, in some cases, long-term trust issues with their own franchises. One league figure even suggested second half deficits of 17 points or more to be âautomatically cappedâ in the name of competitive balance and in the spirit of the mercy rule.
The reasoning is predictable – call it unsafe, call it ugly, call it impossible to officiate, whether itâs blocked kicks, Iverson flashbacks, or miracle comebacks, the agenda always seems to be the same – safety first and stopping the Eagles from finding ways to win football games a close second.
Leaked Proposals Under Consideration
- Article 12.4: Any blocked field goal attempt by Philadelphia shall be ruled a dead ball and the kicking team shall be granted an untimed do-over.Â
- Article 15.7: Wide receivers may not step over fallen defenders they just posterized, but rather daintily step around them – known informally as the âTyronn Lue Rule.â
- Article 19.3: Second half deficits of more than 17 points shall be suspended pending medical reviews, potentially epic bad beats, and long-term franchise betrayal issues.
- Article 24.0: Any play the Eagles execute successfully for two consecutive weeks will be automatically reviewed for safety concerns, aesthetic appeal and officiating level of difficulty.
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