Spurs fans are losing sleep over an Arsenal side destined for title glory and greatness

When I can’t sleep because my mind is again engaged in a detailed debate, a good tactic is listing. Sheep won’t do. Our brains need something interesting enough to grab onto, but not so fascinating that you have to spend hours shaking it off.

For me, an alphabet of current Premier League players works well: Nathan Ake, Jarrod Bowen, Matheus Cunha. Or by first names if I need something gentler: Alexis Mac Allister, Bruno Fernandes, Cristian Romero….

A more wakeful brain requires a weightier test. So I was delighted on Sunday to see Richarlison (pictured) provide a timely addition to Wow North London Derby Goals by Tottenham that had No Impact Whatsoever (Lamela’s Puskas-winner the archetype, Son’s lovely finish from Reguilon in 2021 a goody). The Brazilian’s net-skimming bit of innovation from near the halfway line made me laugh out loud in the middle of Sunday’s profound battering.

Finer football minds than mine have observed that Tottenham were bad at the Emirates last weekend. Barring their good away record, I am unclear why anyone expected Spurs to be in it. This Arsenal team is one of the best I’ve ever seen, Tottenham have won just one of their past 32 Premier League games there and Thomas Frank’s side, capable of doing a few things very well, isn’t set up to score goals.

Analysis showed Spurs’ expected goals (0.07) and touches in the opposition’s box (four) was the second-lowest in any game they’ve played since the start of the 2015-16 season. That’s 390 games where they were more in it than on Sunday. You could reasonably take this to mean that’s the second-worst attempt to win a game Spurs have put together in a decade. A harrowing thought, especially given the pallid dross Jose Mourinho served from 2019-21, with its side of disdain.

But to fall too deeply into the whys and wherefores of Spurs’ failure on Sunday is to miss the point entirely. Which is this: Arsenal were unbelievable. I don’t have the time or expertise in data analysis to present proof they were the second-best team Spurs have faced in the league since 2015 but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were.

The passing patterns, the link-ups, the blatant disregard of any attempts their opposition made to quell their wrath. The ability to find one another on the move, in creative and ever-more enterprising ways!

The way they sliced through the boredom of Tottenham’s low block. Yes, Spurs’ defensive work could obviously have been better, but this Arsenal team had answers to everything they tried and do you know how exhausting that is? And that’s before we even get to Eberechi Eze’s career-defining derby debut.

It’s easy to focus on the goals – and let’s definitely treat ourselves to that – but he did so much so well. With his positioning and his hustle and his shimmies, he never let Spurs rest. The finest moment was the first goal of his hat-trick. He scored through two Spurs defenders and a weak Vicario hand, after shrugging off Bentancur and Palhinha. Four Tottenham players on one Eze – you don’t like those odds.

And before Spurs were bludgeoned into unconsciousness by the magic of the player they couldn’t sign, there was an opening goal with an assist so perfect you were still gazing at it when the celebrations were complete. The poise and craft on the Mikel Merino pass, teamed with a classic scuffed Leandro Trossard shot in off Micky van de Ven’s bum. If Eze had only been involved it would have been the perfect metaphor for the whole game.

This Arsenal side has a right to stand with the very best in their history, and when they win the title this season they will do just that. Spurs are going to have to find some more creative ways than mine to lull them to sleep.