DEAR MISS MANNERS: All the bridesmaids for an upcoming wedding recently received a note from the bride’s mother stating that we owe a substantial sum of money to help pay for the bridal shower.
The shower has ballooned in size and scope to rival some weddings I’ve attended in the past, so I am not surprised it is proving to be expensive. But I had no input as to how big this shower has become, and being asked — no, told — to pay for it strikes me as inappropriate. Am I wrong?
I have no idea how to respond. How should I reply?
GENTLE READER: All of you should respond by asking the bride’s mother to give her daughter your love, along with your profound regrets that you are unable to serve as bridesmaids after all, having been unaware of the cost.
Bridesmaids are supposedly chosen because they are the dearest people to the bride. Why, then, are they considered exploitable for both labor and money? This calls for a strike.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: The neighbor who lives directly across the street from me parks in front of my house.
If this was occasional, I wouldn’t care, but it’s become the daily routine. I can’t imagine consistently doing this.
I enjoy looking out my window in the evening, but now my view is a car every night.
Today a work truck parked in front of my house, so the neighbor parked in their own driveway (which is always clear, as is their curb). When the truck left, they moved their car back to my curb, leaving their driveway empty the rest of the day.
I realize this could sound petty, but our other neighbors respect this unwritten rule.
GENTLE READER: In addition to unwritten, the rule is possibly unknown to this neighbor.
Miss Manners trusts that you don’t think the car is purposely parked with the intention of blocking your view, and that you realize that others have a legal right to park on a public street.
Therefore, the neighbor would be doing you a favor by refraining from parking there. And to ask a favor requires purging any annoyance you feel and admitting that complying would be a voluntary kindness.
An amusing confession of your staring-out-the-window habit would be more effective than an admonishment for violating neighborhood expectations.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Suppose Miss Jones marries Mr. Smith and decides, for whatever reason, to retain her maiden name. She is still deserving of the married honorific, is she not?
Is “Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones,” therefore, the proper form to put on an envelope, to be followed by street address, city and state?
GENTLE READER: Deserving? “Deserving”?
Miss Manners chooses to believe that you only made an unfortunate word choice, not that you believe that it is an honor for a lady to be married, and that the title “Mrs.” reflects that.
But then why do you not accept the fact that this problem was solved with the 20th-century revival of the 16th-century title “Ms.”? It is an abbreviation of the honorific “Mistress,” which was the respectable equivalent of “Mister,” to be used regardless of marital status. “Ms.” long predates the more restrictive abbreviations “Mrs.” and “Miss.”
So it is “Ms. Jones and Mr. Smith.”
Also, you forgot the ZIP code.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.