DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to attend the funeral of a family member, and I’m dreading having to encounter a person who did very evil things to the deceased while they were alive, taking advantage of their age and good nature.
This person controlled the deceased, poisoned her mind against her own children and leeched off her financially.
I cut off all contact with this person years ago, and now I’m afraid that I will have to face her.
I have no intention of initiating any conversation with her, but what do I do if she initiates one with me? In public, she loves to act like she’s a wonderful, friendly person. It’s part of her scam.
Can I just turn and walk away if she approaches me? She’s truly an evil, despicable individual. Still, I don’t want to create a scene at a funeral.
GENTLE READER: Not causing a scene at the funeral is a good etiquette rule to follow.
If this person approaches you, you may say, “Excuse me,” and walk away, purposefully, but without any show of anger — as if you were called off to deal with something urgent. You can go to the bathroom for a minute if need be.
Miss Manners is indifferent so long as it convinces anyone watching that your departure was unrelated to the person. There will, if necessary, be other times to make a scene.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a restaurant, if my food is served by someone other than my waiter and I need to request an additional or missing item (e.g., extra sauce or sour cream), do I make that request to the person who served the food? Or do I wait for the waiter to come over and ask if everything is OK?
Does it even matter? Sometimes the waiter doesn’t come over for a few minutes and I’d prefer not to let my food get cold.
GENTLE READER: Although not in the habit of being intimidated by waiters, Miss Manners knows that any answer she gives will elicit a flood of responses from professionals explaining the system in use at their restaurant — and why it is the only possible solution, which must perforce be universally and instantly adopted.
Before that happens: Listen up, restaurant folks.
The customers do not know The System. They are annoying and they do not know what they want and they did not order what they said they ordered and they do not tip enough. But they would like some extra sauce before their food gets cold.
So here is Miss Manners’ answer for the customers: You may ask your waiter, or you may ask any member of the staff who comes to your table — up to and including the head chef — politely, of course.
If you cannot get anyone’s attention in a reasonable amount of time, then you may ask any employee or supervisor for help. And if the restaurant is particularly busy, it may take a few minutes.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.