Lily Allen has spoken candidly about the emotional toll of her separation from husband David Harbour, revealing that she struggled with suicidal thoughts and nearly relapsed after six years of sobriety.
The Smile singer, 40, confirmed that she and the Stranger Things actor, 50, ended their five-year marriage in December 2024.
Speaking in the November issue of British Vogue, Allen said she found herself in an intense period of despair in the aftermath.
‘The feelings of despair that I was experiencing were so strong,’ she told the magazine.
‘The last time that I felt anything like that, drugs and alcohol were my way out, so it was excruciating to sit with those [feelings] and not to use them.’
In January, Allen checked herself into a trauma treatment facility, where she spent several weeks addressing what she called her ‘emotional turmoil’ through therapy methods including shadow work and inner child exploration.
Explaining her decision to seek help, she said: ‘I wanted to die. I’ve been into those places before against my will and I feel like that’s progress in itself. That’s strength. I knew that the things I was feeling were too extreme to be able to manage, and I was like, “I need some time away.”’
Allen also revealed she has faced ongoing issues with food, admitting they ‘got really, really, really bad’ amid the breakdown of her marriage.
Despite the pain of the split, the singer and podcast host reflected compassionately on her time with Harbour.
‘There were lots of good things about it,’ she said. ‘My kids had an amazing experience living in America for five years, and I have a lot of compassion for my ex-husband. I think we all suffer.’
Allen, who returned to London earlier this year with her two daughters from her first marriage – Marnie, 12, and Ethel, 11 – said her upcoming album explores the emotional fallout of the relationship.
‘There are things that are on the record that I experienced within my marriage, but that’s not to say that it’s all gospel,’ she explained. ‘It is inspired by what went on in the relationship.’
Now, Allen says she’s in a much better place. ‘Really not in the same space that I was when I wrote [these] songs,’ she said. ‘I have come a long way. I feel OK, actually.’
As for her romantic life, the Not Fair singer – who was linked to actor James Norton earlier this year – said she’s putting dating on hold for now. ‘I’m more focused on self-discovery at the moment,’ she added.
Allen and Harbour separated for good at the end of last year.
It’s believed they parted ways in December, and she was later spotted on the celebrity dating app Raya.
It then emerged that Lily had discovered David had been back on dating apps while they were still together, with a source claiming that he had been in a three-year-long secret relationship with a costume designer he met on the set of one of his movies.
He then appeared to go public with an aspiring actress and model 22 years his junior.
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