Lily Allen’s album West End Girl, a semi-autobiographical dive into the breakdown of her marriage with David Harbour, has caused fans to look more closely at what the pair publicly shared of their relationship over the years.
The 40-year-old Smile hitmaker’s first album in seven years, which dropped on Friday to rave reviews, offers a scathing take on her marriage to her Stranger Things star ex.
Now, a note Harbour sent to Allen during their marriage has been rediscovered—and taken on a much darker meaning, given what we now know about the relationship.
As Lily explores themes such as cheating, sex addiction, and open relationships, shocking lyrics include references to an ‘arrangement’ between the former spouses, who allegedly agreed to sleep with other people, but they had to be ‘strangers.’
At one point in the album, she sings: ‘I said I got some good news I got the lead in a play, that’s when your demeanour started to change / You said I’d have to audition, I said, “You’re deranged”‘
The lyric seems a direct reference to her part in 2:22 A Ghost Story on the West End in 2021, a role for which she was nominated for a Laurence Olivier award.
At the time of the play’s opening, Allen shared a picture of a note David had sent to her, seemingly backstage.
It read: ‘My ambitious wife, these are bad luck flowers, ’cause if you get reviewed well in this play you will get all kinds of awards and I’ll be miserable. Your loving husband.’
A picture of the note has been making the rounds online over the last several days, with many fans pointing out that, while it may have seemed like just a dark joke at the time, it now has a different meaning.
X user @DecadeScrolling wrote: ‘This note is so sinister in hindsight after listening to West End Girl. David Harbour could not stand that is wife might find success as an actress. He must have crashed out when she was nominated for an Olivier Award – equivalent to his Tony nomination.’
@Nursey1994 agreed, writing: ‘That’s a raging narcissist who can’t cope with his wife doing well…Success is only good when they aren’t challenged by it… 🙄’
@Heeheeriah agreed: ‘My “ambitious” wife feels so backhanded.’
A video clip of the pair at the Olivier Awards that year has also been making the rounds alongside the note.
The video shows Allen speaking to an interviewer when Harbour leans forward to interrupt, he then backs away from the mic and she continues with an awkward laugh, saying: ‘It’s the first time that I’ve been here, because its not my usual industry or crowd, but I’m really really happy and humbled, to be here and to be nominated is just like, beyond. I don’t know what’s happening really.’
The interviewer then asked David if it’s his first time at the Oliviers, to which Lily says, ‘Yeah!’ with a teasing laugh.
What do relationship experts have to say about behaviour like David Harbour’s?
Even when framed as a joke, behaviour like Harbour’s – publicly belittling a partner’s success or turning their achievements into a punchline – is rarely harmless when taken as part of a larger pattern. It often signals genuine resentment hiding behind the guise of sarcasm, a form of hostility that’s socially acceptable precisely because it’s delivered with a smile. Over time, that kind of humour can act as emotional erosion.
Prominent psychologist Dr. Lillian Glass, who coined the term toxic relationship, identifies this kind of ‘humour’ as one of its hallmarks: subtle put-downs or sarcastic remarks that chip away at a partner’s self-worth while allowing the speaker to evade accountability. In her work, Glass notes that toxic partners ‘undermine your success in ways disguised as concern or wit,’ turning what should be moments of joy into opportunities to reassert control or superiority.
Similarly, Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute, one of the foremost researchers on marital dynamics, lists contempt as the single strongest predictor of relationship breakdown. Contempt often hides in plain sight, cloaked in humour: the smirk when someone wants to interview your wife instead of you, the exaggerated sigh, or the ‘joke’ with an edge of truth. It’s not only unkind, but corrosive, because it signals a lack of respect, the foundation on which all healthy relationships rest.
A note like Harbour’s — ‘These are bad luck flowers, because if you get reviewed well I’ll be miserable’ — reads as self-deprecating and playful at first glance, but it also might expose a possible unwillingness to celebrate his partner’s achievements earnestly, without centering himself. The humour redirects attention away from Allen’s accomplishment and onto his own discomfort, framing her success as a threat rather than a shared joy.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains, patterns of minimising hurtful comments as ‘just jokes’ can be a form of gaslighting: they invalidate the other person’s emotional reality and teach them to doubt their own perceptions. In practice, it can leave one partner walking on eggshells – unsure whether pride, excitement, or self-expression will be met with warmth or mockery. Over time, this dynamic doesn’t just dampen joy; it can enforce a hierarchy where one person’s comfort depends on the other’s diminishment.
So while behaviour like Harbour’s may at first seem like playful banter, it can fit a pattern psychologists recognise as toxic: humour that masks hostility, competitiveness disguised as affection, and jealousy hiding behind irony.
Harbour then asks for the question to be repeated, and then responds, ‘It is. I’ve done about 100,000 plays and never been recognised.’ Lily then laughs awkwardly, as David gives her a sarcastic look and says, sarcastically, ‘Congratulations, darling.
Fans were quick to comment, with @CarrieC1981 writing on X: ‘Who is that openly jealous of their partner? In front of cameras? It’s so…. Weird.’
@Allotmentchick agreed: ‘Oooo……the “congratulations – awkward gap – DARHling” at the end. Vile.’
Rumours of trouble in paradise between Lily and David, who wed in 2020, first started swirling in early 2024, with the then-couple quickly quashing speculation that they were ‘living separate lives.’
But then they confirmed last December that they were, in fact, divorcing.
In the months since, there’s been plenty of speculation surrounding what led to the high-profile split, with accusations of infidelity on David’s part gaining momentum.
While the TV star is yet to respond to the allegations that he was cheating on Lily—potentially for as long as three years with an unnamed costume designer—the LDN hitmaker certainly gave her side of the story in her new record.
Lily also tears into a mystery woman, whom she names ‘Madeline’, suggesting David had an affair with someone his wife knew well.
In the aftermath of the album’s release, fans have taken over social media with their reactions, noting the apt timing of its drop, given that thealbum was released just weeks before the 50-year-old actor’s fifth season of Stranger Things drops on Netflix, and fans are wondering how David might respond.
Lily told the Sunday Times in a recent interview that she has ‘artistic licence’ with some of the album, and while she doesn’t think she can say it’s all true, ‘there are definitely things I experienced within my relationship that have ended up on this album,’ she said.
Got a story?
If you’ve got a celebrity story, video or pictures get in touch with the Metro.co.uk entertainment team by emailing us celebtips@metro.co.uk, calling 020 3615 2145 or by visiting our Submit Stuff page – we’d love to hear from you.