We are all storytellers.
That story might be a joke, a description of a trip, a family tale or just something read to children. Yet storytelling can achieve an even greater purpose, according to David Brooks, author, op-ed writer and commentator in his book, “How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen.” Brooks views storytelling as a means to better know and understand one another.
It was the topic addressed at the 14th annual meeting between eight men from the Life Transition Group and eight women from Renewment (see Renewment.org). Both groups are learning communities of professionals who focus on transitions in mid-to-later life, from work to retirement and beyond..
Here is the question each was asked to address: “Tell a four-minute story about yourself that created an impact on your life, knowing that the smallest stories can have the largest impact.”
Here are just a few examples:
Family influence. A retired radiologist suffered a life-threatening illness while on vacation in a small town in Mexico. With a temperature of 105 degrees, he was taken to a small, six-bed hospital. With limited staff, he was asked to read his own chest X-ray. He recovered with antibiotics and remembered a message from his father. “You get more when you give than when you receive.” With his love for photography and gratitude to be alive, he became a photographer for charitable organizations and lives his father’s advice.
Then there was the woman who was told by her father that she must always be able to support herself. Growing up with six brothers, she was raised with a competitive and independent spirit. Much to her family’s chagrin, she moved from her hometown and became a teacher. But she realized she could not earn enough money. Undaunted, she took a position with IBM, advanced, earned enough money and loved her work.
A moment in time. While working on his PhD, a former executive went to a party in a graduate school dorm, hoping that some girls might appear. One did, at least: He found his future wife standing next to him. To the group, he said, “I don’t know what she saw in me. I had long hair and was smoking a joint.” She saw something that day; they have been married for 52 years.
And there is the former college professor and successful entrepreneur who, at a young age, left his classroom during school, came home and told his mother, “School is not for me.” His attitude changed in seventh grade when he found himself struggling, in part because he skipped the previous two grades. He went from being at the top of his class to the very bottom. But he got help.
“That seventh-grade teacher saw something in me,” he said. As a result, his self-confidence and motivation improved. He went on to achieve his PhD and became a global expert on marketing.
Opportunity with loss. A retired advertising executive shared his personal story of grief and opportunity. His mother died of terminal cancer when he was age 14. No one discussed it in his family. He said his father, who was introverted, suffered from ALS for four years before dying. Again, no one discussed the loss. Now his beautiful wife has been diagnosed with early-stage Alzheimer’s disease. Acknowledging this as a long goodbye, he says, “The beauty is that we are talking about it and communicating with each other.”
The power of storytelling and questions. This facilitator of strategic planning was not always good at public speaking. As a six-year-old in first grade, he was asked to give his name and tell a story about what he did the past summer. He told the group, “What came out was my breakfast.” Years later, while at camp, his father gave him candies to share with other campers. Somewhat timid and needing to speak publicly, he decided to step on a table to get the group’s attention and announced, “If it were not for my mother, I would not be here; if it were not for my father, the candies would not be here.”
In his early 20s, working for a nonprofit organization, he had to recruit 3,000 volunteers. In an attempt to get the attention of one large, noisy group in a cafeteria at the end of lunch, he slammed his arm on a table and asked, “Have you ever had a time when you needed a friend?” He got the group’s attention and his volunteers. He learned the power of storytelling and questions and uses them both in his consulting practice.
At the end of our hour and a half, we all felt we knew and understood each other a lot better. Thank you, David Brooks.
Stay well, everyone, and know that kindness never goes unseen; it just circles back.
Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity