I spent the weekend like a queen. That’s because I was on the Queen Mary, which as you know is a former famous ocean liner that is now a floating hotel moored in Long Beach.
I was celebrating the fact that I’ve finally reached the perfect age of 70. This might not seem perfect to some of you, but it couldn’t be better for me.
The main reason I’m overjoyed is that I reached this milestone, which I never thought I would. In 2019, I came down with a bad case of cancer that thumbed its nose at all treatments and was supposed to kill me quickly. Or so the doctors said.
Luckily, I went to the Galapagos the following year. While I was there, I decided not to die. So I didn’t. Fooled them, right?
So reaching 70 is a perfect achievement for me this year, and I celebrated with two nights on the Queen Mary. I love the Queen and spending time on her decks.
This year, for some reason there wasn’t a single activity going on while we were there, so it was a less-than-perfect visit. I mean, not even live music in the Observation Bar. Or shows. Or a trivia contest, which every place in existence seems to hold these days. There was no pool table or ping-pong to be found. No foosball. There’s a small museum filled with historic items they found in the bowels of ship, like a barber chair and an original deck chair. It’s cool, but it wasn’t open. There’s plenty of room on the decks to paint a shuffleboard court, but they didn’t. There’s a beautiful indoor swimming pool dating from ocean liner days, but it’s not operational now.
The ship was packed, so I think any entertainment would have been welcome. On the plus side, two of the ship’s three restaurants are now open, and the food is good, especially the clam chowder. And the views from the windows of the bay and downtown Long Beach are just spectacular.
So my friend and I looked out the windows, ate too much and sat around and read books, which I always enjoy. Maybe things weren’t completely perfect, but then neither am I.
Yes, admittedly, I’m not a perfect human being. I have my faults, like everyone. But allow me to point certain things out, in my own defense:
I never smoked a cigarette in an airplane bathroom. Or did anything else in there except the obvious.
I never threw a butter knife at my kids. Well, only once and I can explain.
I never talked on my phone during a movie. Well, except for that time when I was alone in the movie theater, because the movie, “A Wrinkle in Time,” was so wretched no one wanted to see it, but I decided to stay there because it was cool and air conditioned and I didn’t realize until the lights came on that there was actually one couple alone in the back row. But they were busy doing whatever they were doing and didn’t seem to mind.
I never stole a car. Not even once. Well, OK, when I was a teenager I used to steal my mother’s car on school days when it was really cold and snowy, so bad that my mom had ridden the bus to work. I didn’t want to stand out on the curb watching the frostbite creep up my body, while waiting for the school bus. My excuse is that our public school in those days made girls wear dresses to class even when it was zero degrees, and that was cruel and inhuman. Luckily for me, my mom never caught me taking her car, or that would have been the end of all life as I knew it.
I never seized the Strait of Hormuz. In fact, I’m not exactly sure what that is.
I never shot a man just to watch him die, like the Johnny Cash song. I’ve actually never shot anyone, although I’ve fired a gun. My grandfather ran a small antique gun shop in Colorado, so he made sure we knew how to shoot. It makes me laugh to this day to imagine people walking into my grandparents’ small bungalow, and entering the tiny bedroom that used to belong to my uncle, which was covered completely with every sort of handgun and rifle you could imagine.
So, while I’m not perfect, I have my reasons. And my birthday weekend wasn’t perfect, but allow me to say this: The new people running the Queen Mary are doing a great job. They’re doing their best to fix up the ship, and eliminate the shabbiness that’s been its lot for many years now. And they are holding many more events on the ship than in the recent past, including a fun happy hour on Tuesdays with free admission and outdoor movies. You should check it out.
Want to write to me? Hit me up at mfisher@scng.com. I particularly love it when you correct my grammar or send me diet tips. See you next week.