“The technologies are now able to credibly complete most undergraduate assignments.”
— Washington Post
I bumbled into the job. A colleague knew I had interviewed celebrities for a magazine, and asked if I could talk to his journalism class at Loyola about the challenges of writing profiles of the famous. So I leaned on the podium for an hour and prattled about walking a golf course in Jamaica with Arnold Palmer and talking jazz over dinner with trumpet legend Dizzy Gillespie.
“You’re better than this than I am,” my colleague said, afterward, suggesting I teach. So I ambled over to the dean’s office and he and gave me a class teaching feature writing.
I started the students off with writing profiles, the most basic story. You’ve got your material — someone’s life — already assembled. You’ve got the narrative arc — their career path — waiting to guide you. I signed up 20 real Chicago personalities — TV journalist Carol Marin, firebrand Rev. Michael Pfleger, Cook County Treasurer Maria Pappas — put their names on index cards, and handed them out to the class.
We moved slowly. First the kids developed questions for their subjects, based on their life stories. I reviewed those. Then the interviews. Eventually, I had 20 finished profiles before me.
Nineteen students understood the assignment. But reading one, on entrepreneur Leslie Hindman, suddenly the tone of the writing shifted dramatically. The profile was describing her business, a Chicago auction house, and it was like moving from gravel to asphalt.
“This is boilerplate,” I thought. “She took this off the internet.” I plugged a paragraph into a search engine. Up it popped, on the auction house site. Word for word. It took 30 seconds to find.
On the first day of class, I had made a little speech: “I know you can steal stuff from online. Don’t do it. Because I’ll find out and you’ll fail.”
I didn’t want to confront the student alone, so dragged the dean in with me, as backup. I expected the student to be in trouble, maybe expelled.
That didn’t happen. He explained to me that the dire consequences for plagiarism that Loyola warns about were more notional than real. The customer is always right. So together we gently tried to explain to the student who swiped copy why what she did was wrong. It was a struggle.
I thought the student might be ashamed, at least apologetic. She wasn’t. She was defiant. This was research! She was a single mother! She needed this class credit! She needed this degree!
I pointed out that, yeah, you need the degree because it means something. If the only thing a Loyola degree represents is that you can deftly swipe other people’s work, then it doesn’t mean much, does it?
The solution I generously offered — redo the profile without plagiarizing this time — was batted away as draconian. She dropped the course, and huffed off in search of a less rigorous instructor.
Turns out, my student was years ahead of the curve. Now the great engines of technology align to help everyone farm out the creative process. Only suckers do the work.
Having artificial intelligence do your job for you, for all of us, might indeed be the future — I have no idea. As the guy who once wrote that cell phones were a fad, I shouldn’t make predictions. Maybe we won’t need to write, or read, anymore. AI will do both. We will be liberated to spend our days scrolling mindlessly through an endless stream of little AI-generated videos showing morbidly obese porch pirates getting their faces blasted with blue dye.
I like to think not, and am reminded of those years in the 1960s when the powers that be decided we would all take our nutrition in pill form. We were offered Space Food Sticks — gooey faux Tootsie Rolls with stellar aspirations — and Tang, the orange-colored liquid the astronauts supposedly drank.
Then a funny thing happened. Turns out, people didn’t want to consume their food in a pill. They wanted to bake rough artisanal breads, and grow heritage apples, and make radicchio salads from greens grown in their own gardens. Chefs became celebrities.
Maybe we will feel that way about work someday. I already do. Looking back on my career, I didn’t get famous and I didn’t get rich. But I did do the work, myself. That is success. If a drone could have watched a heart transplant, or covered a church fire, or climbed halfway up the west communications mast of the Hancock Building, accompanying workers doing repairs, and AI could have written the resulting stories, I like to think I would have still done it, and done it better. These kids today don’t know what they’re missing. Someone ought to teach them.