‘Diwali’, the white woman at reception announced as she rifled through papers.
I was waiting for my smear test and the apprehension I felt for what was to come superseded any bitterness I had to the mispronunciation of my surname, which is Dhaliwal.
The receptionist’s attempt wasn’t my name – in fact, it’s a South Asian festival of light that occurs around September to November – but I knew she was talking about me.
I was too busy clenching and unclenching my pelvic floor to care. So I quickly stood up and nodded sympathetically – giving her grace for finding my name difficult – and scurried to the nurse’s office.
It wasn’t the first time someone’s mispronounced my name and it won’t be the last. Unfortunately, it’s a common occurrence for myself and many of my friends with ethnic names.
But I didn’t expect to find actor and co-owner of Wrexham FC, Rob McElhenney, filing to change his due to the amount of mispronunciation he experiences of his Irish surname.
‘As our business and our storytelling is expanding into other regions of the world and other languages in which my name is even harder to pronounce, I’m just going by Rob Mac’, he told Variety in May. Just over a month later, a representative confirmed he’d officially submitted the legal change.
‘McElhenney’. I started saying it out loud in case I was also mispronouncing it.
After a Google search to test my comprehension of Irish names (my sister-in-law has taught me well), I was assured through the unexpected Irish jig performed by Ryan Reynolds, actor and joint-owner of the Wrexham FC football Club with McElhenny singing an ode to his mispronounced surname for his birthday. Now, that’s a good friend.
It’s pronounced: Mackle-henney.
But, all of this had me wonder about the significance of names.
McElhenney chose a new name due to having to do global business deals, and interestingly ‘Mac’ is his character name in hit HBO comedy It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. But would becoming a brand or character mean he would lose his identity of self? Was Rob Mac a product or a person?
Of course, changing your name doesn’t make your history disappear, but history does become harder to find when names are changed. As someone who does a lot of work researching people in history, it’s something I often come up against – finding a family and then suddenly losing them, when tracing a lineage, happens often.
It’s irritating when some people say your name incorrectly, and annoying to have to correct it or say it back to them – but it’s worth introducing your pronunciation into their lexicon, because you then invite them into your life story. And what a rich lineage Irish names have.
But, as someone with an ethnic name, I was surprised to find that McElhenney struggled with the amount of mispronunciations he experienced. The world tends to bend over backwards to make white men comfortable, but I wondered – maybe instead of this being about race, it’s about culture.
And crucially, about the cross-colonial impact of the British – this isn’t about white or non-white peoples, this goes back to imperialism. Because as Joe famously said to Jess in Bend It Like Beckham when she speaks out about experiencing racism, ‘Jess, I’m Irish. Of course, I understand what that feels like.’
It turns out, I have a lot more in common with the Irish than the British. Even though the Irish had a hand in creating the British Empire – in that they literally helped build infrastructure because it was the only way to send money home to their families – they later fought for their independence.
And like India, they experienced partition at the hands of the British, with Northern Ireland still partitioned and occupied, in the eyes of many.
There has been an anti-British establishment sentiment in Ireland for a long time, due to their anti-colonial stance, after being invaded by the English since the 12th century. It’s something Indians relate to – the way the British renamed Derry to Londonderry harks to the similar renaming of Mumbai to Bombay by the British.
Many people have since stood up and refused to be made British or turned into them, by rejecting them and wholeheartedly embracing our own cultures. Whether Indian or Irish.
And while Rob hasn’t specified who exactly has struggled to say his name, it’s something that those with traditionally English names tend not to have to worry about when doing business, or speaking to people, internationally.
Names are complex and fascinating, with decades of stories, history, and people – it’s a shame that people feel the need to change them due to inconvenience.
Of course, change your name if you want to. I’ve considered it multiple times every time I hear ‘Diwali’, in a fit of rage.
And many do when getting married. People change their names to affirm their gender, and that’s important too. I think it’s vital you feel comfortable in who you are.
But if we’re doing it to make others more comfortable, then we’re losing ourselves in the process. People can adjust, if we tell them to.
If we say ‘no that’s not how you pronounce it’, and force people to learn your name, you’re letting them in on your culture.
And that makes the world a little bit bigger.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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