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‘If you get eaten by a shark… that’s one hell of a story at the funeral, isn’t it?’
That’s the words of Ross Noble, shortly before he is actually bitten by a shark in the name of ITV’s bizarre and surprisingly touching new reality series, Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters.
Thankfully, he makes it out of the water unscathed. His first, and I imagine only, shark attack comes from an eight-foot lemon shark, a relatively harmless species of apex predator which chomps on his leg but barely punctures his wetsuit.
To celebrate the 50th anniversary of Jaws, the Steven Spielberg horror that continues to strike fear into the hearts of all who watch it (causing generations to still be too scared to enter the water) ITV is throwing some of the UK’s most beloved celebs into shark infested waters to prove that they have an unreasonably bad rep.
On paper, it sounds like a Bushtucker trial ramped up to 100. I’m A Celebrity contestants can – and have – survived the odd nibble from a huntsman spider or a venomless snake but Ant and Dec are yet to throw a Corrie legend in the water with an actual shark.
An impressive cast, boasting Sir Lenny Henry, Countdown’s Rachel Riley and McFly’s Dougie Poynter, is helped by leading shark experts to come face to face with some of the most feared predators in the world in their natural environment.
Gradually, they build the courage to free-swim with a tiger shark – widely considered to be one of the most aggressive animals in the ocean.
They’re welcomed into the process by Paul de Gelder, a charismatic former marine who lost his leg and arm to a bull shark in 2009 but now devotes his life to protecting the animal that almost killed him. It’s a stark reminder that while, yes, sharks are misunderstood they’re not kittens of the sea.
The celebs are thrown straight into the deep end. Paul tells them they’ll be getting in the water with more than a dozen bull sharks – the very species that ripped his limbs from his body – but for the only time in this entire process they will be in a cage.
There are varying degrees of terror from the stars: On one end of the scale you have Rachel Riley who can’t believe her luck ad gleefully dives into the water without a shred of fear.
At the other you have Call The Midwife’s Helen George, who hasn’t dared put her head under water for more than 20 years let alone share a space with a four-meter-long maneater.
Even as somewhat of a shark obsessive (rarely a day goes by when I don’t lose myself down a rabbit hole of shark videos on Instagram) I wasn’t sure how or if Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters would work.
Obviously, there’s no real jeopardy – not that I’d want that – but without it what is the pull?
Unexpectedly, the pull is George, who trembles just looking at the water. Her fear is so deep-rooted she sobs just at the idea of jumping off the boat.
But there is no contest here, the entire group is rooting for each other and there is no one to root for more than George, who perhaps seems unlikely to swim with a tiger shark but shows incredible perseverance which becomes a surprisingly moving watch.
Determined to be strong for her two children, George pushes herself beyond what she thought possible.
Reality television is at its best with camaraderie at its core, and I can’t recall another show that shows teamwork quite like this.
It’s refreshing and actually quite a bold move not to have any contest running through Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters but it’s a gamble that pays off.
I had no idea what there would be to love about watching celebrities learning to dive but there are few reality shows which show so much growth and so quickly.
But Shark! Celebrity Waters sets out to serve a greater purpose than just reducing Helen George to a nervous breakdown.
Initially, I feared it was just a cheap attempt to disguise putting celebrities in precarious situations with a deadly predator, but it does genuinely feel determined to prove sharks are so far from the monster Jaws portrayed them to be.
Without sharks, the ocean dies and if the ocean dies then we die. Sadly, that’s not as sexy a tagline as ‘just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water’.
Will Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters cause a surge in sympathy for sharks? It’s a tough sell, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction and does feel far more well-intentioned than I thought it would.
Shark! Celebrity Infested Waters will air every Monday at 9pm on ITV. All five episodes are available to stream on ITVX now.
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