Louis Tomlinson found it ‘impossibly difficult to deal’ with the death of former One Direction bandmate Liam Payne.
The singer died aged 31 in October last year after falling from the third-floor balcony of a hotel room in Buenos Aires, with family, friends and fans rushing to pay tribute.
A year on, Louis has spoken publicly for the first time about his friend’s death and how he found the tragedy ‘unjust and frustrating’.
‘You know, there’s still a level in my head [where it feels] unjust and frustrating that he’s not with us anymore,’ he told Rolling Stone UK.
‘So, it just brought up those feelings, although I’m still living with them anyway.’
Louis went on to explain how Payne’s death was even more difficult as he’d ‘never lost a friend’, despite dealing with grief before.
‘It was really, really, impossibly difficult for me to deal with losing Liam,’ he shared.
‘Naively, I thought that because at this point, I’m relatively well versed in grief for my age, that it might soften the blow.
‘[That was] super-naive. It’s very different. I’ve never lost a friend before.’
In December 2016, Louis’ mother Johannah Deakin died of leukaemia at the age of 43.
Three years later, in March 2019, his younger sister Félicité, 18, died from an accidental overdose.
Speaking about Payne, Louis also said that he believed the musician was a ‘very misunderstood person from a public perspective’.
‘If there is ever any judgment on his character, I think nine times out of 10, you can reflect on that, and the reflection is that he was someone who just wanted to be liked,’ he said.
Earlier this year – in July – fans around the world marked the band’s 15th anniversary since being formed on The X Factor.
However, reflecting on the milestone, Louis said it felt ‘very uncomfortable’ at the time.
But he added: ‘The [collective] feeling to celebrate is as important, if not more important than ever, on behalf of Liam.’
The day after Payne’s death, One Direction released a joint statement on social media in which Louis and his other bandmates Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Niall Horan said they were ‘completely devastated’.
‘In time, and when everyone is able to, there will be more to say. But for now, we will take some time to grieve and process the loss of our brother, who we loved dearly. The memories we shared with him will be treasured forever. For now, our thoughts are with his family, his friends, and the fans who loved him alongside us. We will miss him terribly. We love you Liam,’ they wrote.
Meanwhile Louis went on to also share an individual tribute.
In it, he shared: ‘Liam was somebody I looked up to everyday, such a positive, funny, and kind soul.
‘I first met Liam when he was 16 and I was 18, I was instantly amazed by his voice but more importantly as time went on, I got a chance to see the kind brother I’d longed all my life for.
‘Liam was an incredible song writer with a great sense of melody; we often spoke of getting back in the studio together to try and recreate the writing chemistry we had built up in the band.
‘And for the record, Liam was in my opinion the most vital part of One Direction. His experience from a young age, his perfect pitch, his stage presence, his gift for writing. The list goes on. Thank you for shaping us Liam.’
He went on to share a ‘message to you Liam if you’re listening’.
‘I feel beyond lucky to have had you in my life but I’m really struggling with the idea of saying goodbye. I’m so grateful that we got even closer since the band, speaking on the phone for hours, reminiscing about all the thousands of amazing memories we had together is a luxury I thought I’d have with you for life. I would have loved to share the stage with you again, but it wasn’t to be. I want you to know that if Bear ever needs me, I will be the uncle he needs in his life and tell him stories of how amazing his dad was.
‘I wish I got chance to say goodbye and tell you one more time how much I loved you. Payno, my boy, one of my best friends, my brother, I love your mate. Sleep well X.’
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