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Simon Cowell struggled to hold back tears as he reflected on the devastation of losing both his parents.
The Britain’s Got Talent star and music mogul – who has announced plans to find the next big boy band – lost his dad Eric in 1999, while his mum Julie died 16 years later in 2015, and he has opened up on going through the grief while believing they’re still with him.
‘Having gone through – which was, now question, losing both my parents was the hardest thing that ever happened to me,’ he said.
‘I can sit here honestly – everyone says, when you lose them, in time it’ll get better. You think, “no it won’t”. The truth is, it does, as long as you believe, and you have to believe that their presence is still there with you.
‘And erm, oh gosh… you have to give me a minute.’
He started to tear up during an emotional and candid interview with Steven Bartlett on The Diary of a CEO podcast, and he later recalled being in a downward spiral before his son Eric, named in tribute to his late dad, was born in 2014.
Simon Cowell was visibly emotional as he recalled the pain of his parents’ deaths (Picture: The Diary of a CEO)
He opened up during an interview with Steven Bartlett (Picture: Steven Bartlett/Media Kit)
‘I’ve really, really enjoyed every successful moment of my career, even when things haven’t gone quite to plan, there’s still a story or something to learn from it,’ he said.
‘That combined journey versus the devastation when you lose someone, it really is meaningless.’
‘Everything meant nothing at that point, I was desperately unhappy,’ he added, describing himself as ‘a vampire’ who worked all hours until 7am and woke up at 2pm.
Simon became a ‘vampire’ and ‘workaholic’ (Picture: The Diary of a CEO)
The Britain’s Got Talent boss was saved by his son (Picture: The Diary of a CEO)
‘Without question [my son Eric saved me]. I really really had reached the point where nothing matters. I almost can’t even remember everything from that period. It hit me so hard,’ he said.
‘The hardest thing was being on television as well, because I’m like, I feel like a clown. I’m dying inside, and yet I’ve still got to do what i’m being paid to do as best as I could.
‘But I put on a tonne of weight, I was eating just junk. Had I got hit by a bus the following day – I’d be dead, but I wasn’t worried about anything like that.’
Simon is in a much better place with his work life balance (Picture: David Fisher/Shutterstock)
Simon, who noted he still ‘suffers from depression at times’, explained while he never considered taking his own life, it ‘wouldn’t have bothered him’ if something awful happened to him.
However, becoming a father helped transform his life even as his mother – who died the following year – battled dementia, and he has seen things ‘come full circle’ as his love for Eric mirrors the way his parents cared for him.
‘It’s how I feel for Eric, just that pure love. They just want the best for you and in return, you feel the same about them,’ he smiled. ‘It’s how I feel about Eric. Everything starts to come full circle.’
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