In unexpected seasonal news, The Family Stone – arguably the most toxic Christmas movie ever committed to film – is officially getting a sequel.
Thomas Bezucha, the writer and director of the 2005 chaos-comedy, told CNN he’s been developing a follow-up, motivated in part by Diane Keaton’s recent passing.
‘I’ve been haunted by the loss of Sybil for months now while I worked on it,’ Bezucha said, referencing Keaton’s character in the film. ‘Mentally, I’ve been spending time in that house where I’ve been missing her for a while already.’
Yes, that means we are voluntarily returning to that house.
And honestly? It tracks. If there’s any film that deserves a sequel built on grief, longing, and spiritual bewilderment, it’s this one.
Because if you love really weird family boundaries, a disastrously handled homophobia subplot, and watching Sarah Jessica Parker get drunk off like one beer, you might be mentally prepared for The Family Stone 2 — but only if you’ve survived The Family Stone 1.
With a cast comprised of Diane Keaton, Sarah Jessica Parker, Rachel McAdams, Dermot Mulroney, Claire Danes, and Luke Wilson, it seems like it ought to be an absolute classic.
The setup is simple enough: SJP’s character is a professional woman trying to have it all. Her boyfriend insists she finally comes home with him for the holidays (he’s largely unimportant, as are their character names), much to her chagrin.
When she does, she finds that he has the kind of sitcom family – complete with traditions and an inexplicably rude younger sister (played by a criminally underutilised Rachel McAdams) – that she cannot relate to.
Everyone seems to hate her instantly. Why? Because she wears heels, apparently.
To be fair, to say her behaviour is awkward would be like saying pushing someone into the tube tracks is a bit rude.
In her attempts to shed the ghost of bubbly Carrie Bradshaw and come off as an introverted urbanite, SJP creates a character so totally unsettling I couldn’t help but wonder if the movie would end in a twist family annihilation.
An overwhelmed and easily offended Diane Keaton plays the boyfriend’s mother, and she – along with a bafflingly child-like Rachel McAdams – seemingly has a preexisting blood feud with SJP that is undoubtedly going to be revealed in the course of the film; that’s how poorly they treat her.
But the reason for their disdain is never revealed – they seem to just really resent that she wears high heels. In contrast, when her sister eventually shows up (Clare Danes), it is as if the messiah himself appears in the family home and sits down at Christmas dinner. Why do they love her so much? Impossible to say.
As one user on Reddit put it: ‘Every single decision made by all the characters is just bizarre. Nobody behaves rationally and the “happy” ending that involves basically a partner swap with her sister is just a cherry on top.’
Oh yeah, that’s how it ends. Essentially, the boyfriend’s creepy, perpetually stoned brother (played by Luke Wilson, who is the only one who doesn’t treat SJP as if she’s committed an unspeakable war crime) ends up with SJP while her boyfriend ends up with her sister. And then they all have Christmas as one big happy family. What?!
Best of all, there’s a dinner scene that is so completely insane you genuinely have to watch it to believe it. Diane Keaton says, apropos nothing, that she wishes ‘all her children were gay,’ causing SJP to suddenly pipe up and wonder why she would wish a life of discrimination on her children (not a totally insane point in 2005 suburbia, to be fair).
But the entire family reacts as if SJP has just started spouting slurs and suggesting Mein Kampf made some decent points, especially the token gay brother, who is not at all involved in the film except to singlehandedly tick every intersectionality box (he is gay, deaf, and dating a Black man).
In summary, it’s a flawless Christmas movie to watch with your family; completely perfect; I have no notes. I have never seen anything so unabashedly tonally off or incomprehensible. It’s as if a rudimentary AI bot ingested 20 Christmas films and then wrote the script based on a loose idea of usual human behaviour.
So why should you watch it, you ask? Well, it’s become a beloved classic for my family because it unites the room against a common enemy: The movie itself.
It’s hard to argue with your siblings or get annoyed that your mum’s told the same story ten times if you’re all howling with laughter at the plotline of perhaps the worst film ever made.
So when you’re home for the holidays and start arguing with your parents, suggest you all watch The Family Stone. It’s truly a bonding experience that will bring you closer together.
So the idea of a sequel – one explicitly meant to honour Keaton – is genuinely poignant, if also slightly terrifying.
Will it be less unhinged? Will the family finally behave like humans? Will someone apologise to SJP?
Probably not. But I’ll be watching. Because if The Family Stone taught us anything, it’s that holiday togetherness can be forged through collective trauma.
A version of this article was first published on December 8, 2024.
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