DEAR ABBY: I’ve been living with someone for four years. When we started living together, his son “Byron” was incarcerated. Byron is 33 and has been in trouble since he was 15. His dad keeps bailing him out. I used two of my credit cards to help raise the $11,000 bail to get him out of jail. In exchange, Byron agreed to put on a new roof for us and help around the house.
Byron has completed none of the tasks that were asked of him, and his dad keeps helping him anyway. We had to pay Byron’s rent at the rehab so he wouldn’t be kicked out. This has created a rift between me and my boyfriend, who thinks I’m being selfish and greedy.
Am I wrong for no longer wanting to help financially? We got along great until this happened. — DOING TIME, TOO, IN ALABAMA
DEAR DOING TIME: Byron is the person he is because his father has enabled him since he was a child. You are neither selfish nor greedy for refusing to give more money. Forgive me if this seems harsh, but unless you want to continue to be emotionally blackmailed by your boyfriend, get out now before you are drained financially.
DEAR ABBY: I have no problem driving at night, but I prefer to stay home rather than go out. Truth be told, I don’t like to be out after 4 or 5 p.m. Yes, I miss a lot of social activities, but I don’t mind.
The problem is friends and acquaintances who, when they find out I’m not going out at night, instantly offer to pick me up because they are kind and gracious. No matter how many times I explain that it’s not the driving, it’s that I prefer not to be out at night, it falls on deaf ears.
I know I’m lucky to have sweet friends who volunteer to drive me, but I’m tired of explaining myself. Because I don’t want to insult anyone, can you suggest a polite way to turn these folks down? Nothing I’ve said so far has worked, including saying, “It’s not the driving. I don’t go out at night.” — HOMEBODY IN FLORIDA
DEAR HOMEBODY: Perhaps you should state your message a little more emphatically by saying, “I don’t think you UNDERSTAND. It’s not the driving, it’s that I am uncomfortable going out after dark. PLEASE don’t ask me again because my answer isn’t going to change.”
DEAR ABBY: My wife’s family has a history of breast cancer. She has had several MRIs and biopsies, which have caused a great deal of discomfort and stress. She is now going in for a lumpectomy. I’m beginning to think it may be better to have her breasts removed. I didn’t marry her boobs; I married the woman behind them. What do you think? — PROACTIVE IN CONNECTICUT
DEAR PROACTIVE: I’m sure you love her, but I think you should support your wife emotionally and let this decision be something that’s decided between her and her doctors.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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