DEAR ABBY: While the saying goes “no man is an island,” I beg to differ, as I am married to one.
My husband has little to no patience with anyone, family included. He has always been negative, and as he grows older, it has grown 10 times worse.
Over the past 15 years, my husband has alienated most of his (our) friends to the point where he no longer has any contact with them. He literally walks away from them in public.
While I know a lot of people are super narcissistic today, I feel you have to put up with some of today’s BS. I’m not super social myself, but his rudeness has gotten out of hand.
Our social life is nil. It may be a case of depression (he’s on a multitude of medications). It’s wearing me down, and I’m afraid I’m sinking down with him.
Is there a solution?
— GOING DOWN, TOO
DEAR GOING: Because your husband has mental health issues, this should be discussed with a doctor. A different medication and talk therapy might help him if he would consent to it.
Please consider consulting someone for yourself to help you decide if you want to spend the rest of your life being this isolated. Nothing will change if you don’t become proactive.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for 2½ years. He’s divorced; I am a widow. We get along well and enjoy many activities together.
The problem is his 31-year-old daughter. She is very rude and unkind to me.
He tells me it is not me; she would treat any female companion of his this way.
With the holidays approaching, I spoke to him about what our plans will be. During the past two years, his ex-wife and daughter have controlled most of the get-togethers, saying that I was not invited to join them for a Christmas Eve dinner.
I don’t want to be controlling like his ex and daughter, but I would like us to be part of the plans as a couple.
At this point, he’s unable to decide what we will do. He’s trying to mend the relationship with his daughter, but I’m pretty sure it won’t improve until she’s ready to accept her dad having another partner in his life.
I want this relationship to work out. We are talking about living together and possibly getting married, but I’m not sure if we should consider this until his situation with his daughter improves. Any advice?
— SEEKING INCLUSION IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SEEKING: Your gentleman friend’s daughter should not have been allowed to treat any woman he was seeing disrespectfully. His mistake has been ceding his power to someone who is emotionally immature and unwilling to see her father in a happy, healthy relationship.
Give him a deadline to decide how he is going to spend the holidays. If it isn’t with you, take a vacation at that time.
You are intelligent to put the brakes on living together until he resolves this issue, preferably with input from a licensed mental health professional.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.