DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor who every year throws an over-the-top New Year’s Eve party. It is not even Halloween yet, and she has already sent the save-the-date invitations.
My problem is, I feel like I am boxed in to attending the party as I don’t have my plans yet for New Year’s Eve. I’d like to have the flexibility to be with my family or possibly attend a different type of event.
The party starts at 7 p.m., and by midnight I’m exhausted from standing and trying to make small talk at the large party. I prefer a smaller group where we can chat and socialize easily.
My neighbor has been known to keep track of people’s comings and goings in and out of the neighborhood, so I can’t hide on New Year’s Eve. I wouldn’t mind going for an hour or two, but more than that is just torture. Any advice?
— BOXED-IN IN FLORIDA
DEAR BOXED-IN: You are not trapped into doing anything you don’t want to do. A “save-the-date” card isn’t a command performance.
Talk with your neighbor and tell her your plans for New Year’s Eve are up in the air, and that you haven’t decided whether you will spend it with your family but will let her know after you receive her formal invitation.
DEAR ABBY: When my lifelong friend “Cheryl” and I would talk once a week to catch up with each other’s lives, she’d describe her other friends’ woes in a really animated way, including a loud voice and extremely vulgar words about those friends.
She even talked about her recently departed mother this way. Her mother had not been part of her life for more than 50 years, but when she reentered the scene, she had developed dementia. Her mom’s habit of vulgar talk was probably where Cheryl picked it up.
The funny thing is, when we talked in person, Cheryl didn’t do it. It was only on the phone.
I recently had a falling-out with an elderly friend, “Louise,” over a similar situation, but it was politically fueled. Louise would call me, inebriated, shouting nasty stuff about my political stance. I finally hung up and blocked her on the phone.
Louise is 78 and an admitted alcoholic. Cheryl and I are not; we are in our mid-60s.
I decided to text Cheryl, asking her not to use such vulgar language when we talk because it upsets me. I’m not a prude. I grew up with a father who cursed and yelled a lot, and I vowed not to talk that way. Talking with these two women triggered memories of younger years.
Cheryl has now ghosted me. My text wasn’t mean or brutal. Is there anything I can say to her to get my friend back, or am I blocked forever?
— OVER AND OUT IN OHIO
DEAR OVER: Because you couldn’t handle Cheryl’s language, you were right to tell her how it made you feel and why. As long as she’s blocking you, there is nothing you can say that will get through.
Perhaps it is just as well. In my view, folks who ridicule others are really not very nice at all.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.