DEAR ABBY: The woman I’ve been married to for the last 10 years is spending her time away from home. She isn’t seeing another man or hanging out in bars. She leaves at any time of the day and goes to the casino. She also plays online throughout the day or evening. She stays out all night until sometimes 8 or 9 o’clock the next morning.
I have tried talking to her calmly — and I’ve tried the angry way, too. I’ve gotten nowhere about this issue. I believe she’s being disrespectful, which will lead to the end of our marriage. How can I get through to her that what she’s doing isn’t good for our relationship? I’m very close to saying “Enough!” and it’s time for us to go our separate ways. — FRUSTRATED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR FRUSTRATED: If what your wife is doing affects the financial stability of your marriage, you absolutely have to draw the line. From your description of her activities, your wife is addicted to the rush she gets from gambling. Suggest that she join Gamblers Anonymous for help, and you should explore a support group called Gam-Anon for yourself. However, if that doesn’t help, consult an attorney and tell your wife that if she doesn’t seek help, you will be forced to separate your finances, even if it means ending the marriage.
DEAR ABBY: My sister has stopped communicating with my parents and me. However, she still maintains contact with members of our extended family. What’s strange is that none of us is sure what we did to cause this. We have asked her to share her side of the story, but her reasons keep changing. Sometimes, she says it’s because I’m spoiled and get everything; other times, it’s because Mom didn’t praise her enough. As for Dad, we’re not sure why she’s upset with him. He’s a quiet person who mostly keeps to himself.
At first, I didn’t let this bother me much, but as time goes on, I’m starting to feel really upset. Our parents are getting older and could use some support, or at least a friendly conversation. Do you think I’ll ever be able to let go of my anger, or will it linger until my parents are no longer with us? — BAFFLED BROTHER IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR BROTHER: Accept that you can’t change your sister. After your parents are gone and it is too late to make amends, your sister may feel guilty for her unwillingness to mend fences with them over their perceived slights. Family counseling might facilitate some healing, but only if everyone is willing to participate.
As to your anger over your sister’s behavior, it may take a session or two with a licensed psychotherapist to move beyond it. In the meantime, do the best you can to ensure that your parents know you love them and are grateful for all they have done for you.
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