DEAR ABBY: I am a stepgrandmother of a disabled granddaughter, “Laura,” who has Down syndrome. She is 38. A few years ago, she weighed more than 300 pounds at only 5 feet tall. She ended up in the hospital with blood clots and almost died. The courts gave guardianship to her dad, my son-in-law. Laura’s mother has visitation with Laura only one day a week for four hours.
When they are together, she feeds Laura so much junk food that when Laura comes home, she gets sick. Her dad has spoken to his ex-wife about this issue, but she continues to do it even though she knows the doctors have said Laura has an eating disorder. In the past few years, my daughter has worked hard to help Laura, and now Laura is down to 140 pounds. How can they get her mother on board to help Laura and stop giving her all this stuff that makes her so sick? — LOOKING ON IN OHIO
DEAR LOOKING ON: Laura’s mother appears to have mental problems, which may be why her visitations are limited. Although feeding her daughter junk food may be the way she tries to show love, preventing her from losing the weight she needs to in order to be healthy is dangerous. Your son needs to explain what’s going on to Laura’s doctors and to the judge who decided how long and how often Laura’s mother is allowed to see her. A solution might be that those visits must be SUPERVISED. Please suggest this.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve hosted a live podcast for years. It’s my creative outlet, my therapy. Recently, my wife gave me an ultimatum. I am not allowed to host the podcast anymore, or she’ll divorce me. She says it’s for “us,” not her. Her reason is mostly because I preach atheism as well as discuss many other topics.
She’s a Christian. I was a Christian when we met and married, but I am no longer. I want to respect her faith, but I feel this is too much for her to ask. My show is a piece of what I want to share and document with the world. It’s only a few hours’ commitment a week, and I don’t do much else as far as recreation or hobbies. I am employed and responsible, and I fulfill all my duties as a husband.
I’m terrified of losing either the show or my marriage. Is this a fair thing for my wife to demand? I have chosen to stop hosting the show for now, and I’m unhappy. I’d like my wife’s blessing so I can continue. Is there anything you would recommend? — HOST IN EXILE
DEAR HOST: I don’t know how far away in exile you are, but if you live within the borders of the United States, there is a certain amount of freedom of speech here. Living according to your wife’s dictate leaves you frustrated and unhappy. You have the right to express yourself, and you have an audience who appreciates it. If she chooses to divorce you over this, you may find it’s a relief. Call her bluff. If you do, you may discover you are happier following your own path rather than hers.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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