DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend of mine likes to play the role of Cupid. Her interest in other people’s love lives might be well-meaning, but for me it feels invasive.
I’m generally a bit reserved about my love life, but my friends know about a certain someone I am interested in. There has been some subtle flirting, and so far, I like the slow burn.
The last time we were all together, my friend took it upon herself to tell my crush that I’m shy and I just need a push in the right direction.
I was peeved and uncomfortable for the rest of that night, while she was quite proud of herself. I thought it was immature, and that’s not how I want to be perceived by anyone, let alone someone I might get involved with.
Since then, he has asked if just the two of us could do something, and I told him I’d let him know.
I still like him, but I feel so embarrassed and self-conscious now. Am I overreacting?
— Unsolicited Help
DEAR UNSOLICITED HELP: Look past your pushy friend for a moment at the opportunity before you.
The guy you like has asked you out. Go for it.
He may be like you, a bit shy and needing a push to make a move. While your friend should mind her own business, she may have done you a favor by generating a reaction. Don’t allow your anger at her to cloud your vision.
You can simply go with the flow to see how the date unfolds, or you can directly address the elephant in the room: Tell him that your friend made you embarrassed, but you are glad the two of you are sharing a moment together.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Two years ago, I was in an abusive relationship — definitely emotionally, and eventually physically abusive.
The person I was with had abandonment issues, and I stayed because I wanted to show him that not everyone leaves. After staying through the abuse, I realized that I wasn’t what would heal him or change him.
When I finally ended it, I severed all ties. I thought I had covered all my bases, and nearly two years of zero contact fooled me into thinking it was all behind me.
Then I got a long email from him asking if I might allow him the opportunity to apologize. He explained that he is now in therapy dealing with all the things that made him so angry to begin with and recognizes that I didn’t deserve any of what he put me through.
I feel so proud of the two years of no contact that I gave myself, but part of me feels owed an apology.
Will his apology help me move on? Am I taking steps backward?
— Cutting Ties
DEAR CUTTING TIES: From personal experience, I suggest that you not open that door again. When I allowed my abusive college boyfriend to talk to me years after we broke up, I ended up upset all over again because his apologies were not enough.
Let your ex deal with making his amends from a distance. Don’t turn back. Live your life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.