DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a guy about a month ago in a bizarre way: We were riding the same subway car during an off-peak hour and kept locking eyes.
He came over and sat with me, and we swapped a few stories. It was crazy but so sweet.
He told me that he used to play sports overseas and is now back in New York City opening a restaurant. He invited me out to a food tasting as our first date, and we’ve been spending time together ever since.
I ended up telling my friend about this new romance, and she thought it’d be interesting to Google him.
At first it was funny, but then she found a family photo on his socials captioned “Superdad, father of 5.”
I was shocked! We spoke about our families on our first date, and he told me that he has “a daughter.”
I feel deceived and don’t know how to confront him since I found out by snooping. Should I ghost him, or is that immature?
— Dating Superdad
DEAR DATING SUPERDAD: First of all, I don’t consider it snooping to look up someone online. It is common practice and not the same thing as riffling through his phone or his belongings.
You found “Superdad.” What else did you see on his socials? Is he also a husband? Look again to learn more about this man from his posts, and then absolutely speak to him about your discoveries.
You can tell him the truth: You were telling a friend about him and the two of you looked him up. Express how surprised you were when you learned that he has five children even though he told you about only one.
Ask him to tell you who he is and why he thought it was necessary to hide the fact that he has five children from you.
People have lives. Whatever is true about them is just that. You don’t need to ghost this man. Instead, find out who he is and if his values match yours. If they don’t, say goodbye.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself in a tough situation. I have fallen for a guy who is in dire financial straits.
This is so weird, as one of my biggest worries is not having enough money. I am an entrepreneur, and in recent years, my business has not been strong.
What I thought I wanted most was a stable relationship with someone who has stable finances, so it’s nuts that I have fallen for this guy.
I met him at one of my lowest points, and he was so kind to me. He sees me. Part of me wants to say I will give this a chance.
Maybe together we can both get financially stronger, but maybe this is me being naive. How can I tell?
— Fallen
DEAR FALLEN: Have an honest conversation with this man. Tell him your concerns about your life and his.
Admit that you really like him and want to see where things are headed, but you need to see both of you making headway toward financial stability. Ask him questions about his financial history, work life, etc.
Find out his strengths and weaknesses as you share yours. Analyze whether being with him is worth the risk for your sanity — and your wallet.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.