DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my close friends has recently started gaining a lot of attention on social media, especially on TikTok. She’s gotten popular almost overnight, and ever since then, things have changed between us.
She used to be someone I could talk to every day; we’d text, call, hang out and just be there for each other. Now, she barely responds to my texts and completely ignores my calls.
I’ve tried to be supportive of her success — including engaging with her content — but it feels like I’ve been pushed aside now that she’s getting more attention online. I can’t help but feel like she thinks she’s better than me, like I’m not worth her time because I’m not an influencer.
I know people grow and change, but this feels more like she’s choosing to leave me behind. I’m hurt and confused, and I don’t know if I should confront her or just let the friendship go.
How do I handle this without sounding jealous or bitter?
— Moving On
DEAR MOVING ON: There is a saying: Some friends are for a reason, some are for a season and some are for a lifetime. What do you think this friendship means in your whole life?
Of course it hurts for you to experience her pulling away from you, but step back and look at the big picture. What is she chasing these days? Clearly it is not you.
For your own self-preservation, take a step back. Stop trying to get her to pay attention to you, and stop feeling hurt when she is dismissive. Live your life. Surround yourself with people who support you.
Be wary of the pull of social media, even as you notice its value. Don’t waste your breath trying to convince your friend that she should love you. Right now, she doesn’t have the bandwidth to realize what she is doing.
Instead, muster up your courage and strength and wish her well as you open your eyes to new friends who may be curious about you and your life.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and kids are begging me to get a dog.
They talk about it constantly, sending me cute pictures, suggesting names and promising that they’ll take full responsibility. I know they mean well, but I’m really hesitant, and, honestly, I don’t want one.
I feel like I’m being cast as the bad guy in the family for saying no, but I have my reasons.
When I was growing up, my parents let us have all kinds of pets: dogs, cats, hamsters, birds — you name it. At first, it was exciting, but this wore off quickly, and the responsibility always seemed to fall on me. I cleaned up the messes, fed them, walked them and dealt with the chaos.
It became so overwhelming that I swore I’d never get another animal once I moved out on my own.
Now, years later, I’m a working mom juggling a full schedule and a household, and the thought of adding a dog into the mix just feels like another chore waiting to land on my plate.
I’ve seen this play out with other families, too. Kids swear they’ll help, but a few weeks in, it’s mom doing the feeding, the walking, the vet appointments and the clean-up.
Is it wrong for me to put my foot down on this?
— Want a Dog
DEAR WANT A DOG: Stick to your guns. Don’t agree to something you don’t want to be responsible for handling. Tell your children they can have a dog when they have their own home.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.