DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been trying to declutter my home for months, focusing on makeup, dresses and other items that no longer serve a purpose, but I keep getting stuck.
Related Articles
Harriette Cole: My workout partners’ comments are sapping my motivation
Harriette Cole: I told her to back off about my parenting, and it blew up into this big thing
Harriette Cole: How can I tell my friend I dread our conversations?
Harriette Cole: They seem to think my baby is their business
Harriette Cole: We didn’t listen to my boyfriend’s mom, and now we’re in trouble
Every time I start sorting through my belongings, I find myself emotionally attached to certain things, even though they’re no longer necessary.
The challenge is especially difficult with items that were given to me by my ex-boyfriend, whom I loved deeply. These things hold sentimental value, and letting them go feels like letting go of a part of my past, which I’m still trying to move on from.
I know that decluttering would bring me peace and a sense of accomplishment, but my attachment to the past — particularly these items — is making it hard to move forward.
— Decluttering Dilemma
DEAR DECLUTTERING DILEMMA: Consider hiring a decluttering specialist to come into your home and work with you to purge those things that no longer serve you.
Things often carry emotional weight and can be hard to relinquish, but an outsider — especially a professional who has no attachment to these items — may be able to help you sort through and discard the past more easily.
A DIY solution can be to get some boxes and label them for things you want to give away, throw away and keep. As you look at each item, decide where it will go.
As expert organizer Marie Kondo has advised, thank the item for what it offered you and bid it goodbye. Her process allows you to acknowledge the role that things have served in your life before releasing them. This may help you to complete the mourning process from your ex, express gratitude for what that relationship meant to you and move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: The letter from “Ballet Worries,” the parent whose daughter was facing pressure to diet from her dance teachers, struck a chord with me, and I wanted to share another perspective with you.
Even as a leisure student of ballet from ages 10 to 12, I felt pressure from the teacher to be thinner. The timing of her messaging was harmful, especially since I was self-consciously going through puberty at the time. It took over 20 years to let go of the body shame, self-criticism and constant comparison caused by her comments.
It is an unfortunate reality of the profession that thin dancers are preferred. Around 16.4% of ballet dancers have eating disorders. I’ve observed that ballet is a traditional school of dance based on a certain aesthetic. Historically, male choreographers preferred dancers of a specific height, weight and girth to create a certain look onstage. Unfortunately, as ballet is about continuing these traditions and choreography, the genre has not moved with the social times regarding feminine beauty.
Related Articles
Miss Manners: My husband said there’s no rule against pointing. Was I wrong all my life?
Dear Abby: I’m asking for a friend whose husband is so cheap he goes to the hospital to eat
Asking Eric: Now I see why people abandon friends who have kids
Harriette Cole: My workout partners’ comments are sapping my motivation
Miss Manners: I was embarrassed by the hostess’s muttered complaint about me
I appreciate your advice that the parent encourage the daughter to take care of herself and keep her passion alive. It might also serve the young dancer to explore other forms of professional dance. For example, modern dance is ballet-based and inclusive of all strong, powerful body types.
— Arts Lover
DEAR ARTS LOVER: Thank you for your insights and thoughtful letter.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.