DEAR HARRIETTE: I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago. It was a difficult decision, but ultimately I felt it was the right one for both of us.
Since the breakup, we hadn’t spoken at all — no texts, no calls, no accidental run-ins. I had started to move on and was focusing on myself, trying to heal and rebuild my sense of peace.
Then, out of the blue, he called me.
I was shocked to see his name pop up on my phone. When I answered, he asked if I wanted to grab dinner or get a drink that night. I was caught off guard and told him no, not because I was trying to be mean, but because I didn’t understand where this was coming from or what he wanted.
I asked him why he had reached out and what made him want to see me again, especially after two months of complete silence. He couldn’t give me a clear answer. He kind of just shrugged it off and said he didn’t really know, but he “thought it might be nice.”
Now I’m left feeling confused. Why would he call me out of nowhere like that? Is he regretting the breakup? Did he miss me in a moment of weakness, or is he trying to keep a connection alive?
Should I read into this or let it go and keep moving forward?
— He’s Back
DEAR HE’S BACK: Do you have any desire to rekindle a relationship with your ex? If not, stop thinking about this incident. Remind yourself of the reasons you broke up with him in the first place. Be OK with your decision, and move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: This past year has been hard for me. I was recently diagnosed with a few health issues that have been affecting my daily life more than I expected.
On top of managing the physical symptoms, I’ve been struggling emotionally, and I was recently diagnosed with depression as well.
What’s made it harder is that I haven’t told anyone about what I’m going through — not family or friends. I’ve kept everything to myself because I feel embarrassed about my diagnoses.
I can’t shake the feeling that if I open up, people will see me differently or treat me with pity, and I don’t want that.
Because I’ve been holding everything in, I feel isolated. I go through my days pretending everything is normal when, in reality, I’m struggling just to get out of bed some mornings.
I want to talk to someone about what’s going on, but I don’t know how to start that conversation. How do I begin to let people in without feeling like I’m losing my sense of privacy or pride?
— Isolated
DEAR ISOLATED: Start with a therapist. Find a professional with whom you can talk about your situation, and cultivate coping skills that will strengthen you.
Pick one friend you believe will have compassion, and tell them about your situation.
Ask that person to keep your business confidential. Start by saying you need to confide something sensitive to them. Then reveal as much or as little as you care to in that first conversation.
Don’t dump it all at once. Ease into your revelation.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.