Jo Cox’s optimism shines through in our kids – I hope it can shine through in politics too, says murdered MP’s husband

EIGHT years after Jo was killed, one of the hardest things is coming to terms with what she is missing.

I feel myself welling up in parents’ evenings when the kids have been praised for being kind to other children.

Jo Cox MP was murdered eight years ago by a far-right extremistSIPA USA

Jo’s husband Brendan and their children ride on a boat towing a memorial on what would have been her 42nd birthday in 2016Getty Images – Getty

AFP or licensorsJo wasn’t some dangerous subversive — she was a kid from a working-class background in Yorkshire who had spent her life fighting for others[/caption]

I feel a lump come to my throat every school concert, play or ballet performance when our kids take to the stage.

I hate her missing their milestones, the new school, Cuillin’s first Eskimo role, Lejla’s first gymnastic flip.

I tell them how proud she would be — and they feel it. But I hate that she’s not here to feel it with me.

Jo was killed eight years ago by a far-right extremist, at a time when political tensions were running high and hatred was being whipped up by people who should have known better.

A terrorist inspired by far-right extremists killed Jo for no other reason than what she stood for.

Jo wasn’t some dangerous subversive — she was a kid from a working-class background in Yorkshire who had spent her life fighting for others.

She worked on humanitarian crises around the world with Oxfam, campaigned to get better healthcare for pregnant mums and went into politics to fight for her constituents.

Perhaps, most importantly, as the judge said at the trial of her killer, Jo was a patriot — someone who believed in our country and the idea that we have more in common than that which divides us.

She believed that we have the capacity to make our country better by working together and focusing on what unites us.

This anniversary, as well as remembering who Jo was and what she stood for, it’s worth us remembering how her killing came about.

We know that extremists exist in every society. They always will.

The question is how do we avoid them turning their hateful views into violent actions?

We know some of the answers to this.

Terrorists normally need three things to act — the motivation, the means and what is called “social licence”.

Motivation comes from their extremist views and the atmosphere that activates them.

The “means” used to be whether they had the ability to assemble bombs and get weapons.

But nowadays, when terrorists use knives and cars, the means are all too easy to access.

And finally, “social licence”. What this means is that terrorists are much more likely to act if they think there will be tacit approval for their actions, at least from people in their group.

In a world of social media algorithms that prioritise extreme content, and trolls spewing hatred online, it’s much easier to find a group of people who might cheer on extreme actions.

All of this makes depressing reading. But it’s not out of our control.

Politicians can have a real impact by the atmosphere they create.

They can whip up hatred and division or they can focus on positive solutions to our actual problems.

They can spew hatred against minorities or they can try to bring the country together for a common cause.

This election is a particular moment to put that into action.

We should all be wary of politicians from whatever party trying to find simple scapegoats for all of our problems, or blaming particular minorities for our collective crises.

If it sounds simplistic, it probably is.

It’s also about how politicians engage with each other.

Throwing insults and hateful language at each other poisons our public debate and makes intimidation more likely.

That’s why The Jo Cox Foundation, that we set up after Jo’s murder, is campaigning for politicians to sign up to the civility pledge.

A basic commitment to treat each other with respect, even while passionately disagreeing with each other.

While politicians should be leading by example, the reality is they are more likely to follow our lead.

If we are consistent in our opposition to intimidation and incitement (from milkshake throwing to violence), whether it’s happening to people we agree or disagree with, they’ll be more consistent, too.

More fundamentally, we can all play a role in closing the divisions in our society.

It’s these gaps that extremists and hostile states use to turn us against each other.

It’s easy to hate each other if we don’t know each other, much harder if we do.

That’s why, each year, we organise the Great Get Together.

It will be held this weekend coming, which would have been Jo’s 50th birthday.

This is a very simple idea — that our communities are better when we know each other.

We all want to live in places where we feel we belong, and hanging out with each other is the best way of doing this.

So please think about doing something this weekend to get together with friends and neighbours, especially those you might not see everyday.

Jo would be gutted to miss this election.

She would have been excited about the opportunity to serve and the difference she thinks a Labour government would make.

But of course she would be much more gutted to miss out on what our kids have become.

At the weekend, we held an early 50th party for Jo with some of our closest friends and family.

We had a huge cake, a disco in a field, more cans of lager than is healthy, a pig on a spit but, best of all, we had a performance from Cuillin and Lejla and their band of Jo’s favourite songs.

As I watched them sing and play, I could feel how happy Jo would be with what they have become.

Their talent, their spirt of adventure and unbounded love.

Jo was an optimist, by nature and by experience.

That optimism shines through in our kids. I hope it can shine through in our politics as well.

The Jo Cox Foundation campaignins for politicians to sign up to the civility pledge