I was recruited to take part in a secret military experiment at Knott’s Scary Farm and turned into a half man/half pig super soldier at an abandoned zoo in the newest haunted maze at the Buena Park theme park.
Knott’s Berry Farm invited me to dress up like a Pigman and spend the night working as a “scareactor” in the new Zoo haunted house during the annual Halloween event running on select nights through Nov. 1.
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The new haunted maze turns an abandoned zoo into a secret lab where the military conducts animal/human hybrid experiments in an attempt to create mutant super soldiers. Visitors walking through the maze are new recruits preparing for the transformation.
I was excited to be working as a Zoo character in what I’d called “one of the best new mazes ever at Knott’s Scary Farm.”
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I started my night backstage in the Knott’s Berry Farm wardrobe and makeup department behind the Calico River Rapids water ride.
My simple wardrobe consisted of a heavy grey sweatshirt, black polyester pants, bloodied hospital patient’s gown, brown gardening gloves and black combat boots. I was already hot just standing there in my costume.
Knott’s makeup artist Chantel Keith applied a pig prosthetic to my face with a snout that pinched my nostrils.
“Can you breathe through your nose?” Keith asked.
“Not really,” I said.
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Keith assured me I would get used to it over time and my nostrils would open slightly with a little bit of nose wiggling.
She was right. And she should know.
Keith’s husband works as a bird scareactor in Ghost Town Streets — and she applies his beak, wings and makeup every night of Scary Farm.
It didn’t take Keith long to black out my eyes and mouth with airbrushed makeup. I was ready in about 15 minutes.
I was expecting to look more pig-like, but the animalistic appearance of most of the hybrid creatures in the Zoo maze was limited to their faces. They had otherwise human hands and bodies. That’s all that was needed for the quick read in the dark — a sense of the early stages of transformation.
Next up was a bit of scareactor orientation and training.
Knott’s Berry Farm associate producer Pasta Rago showed me how to do the startle scare and lunge.
“You’re not going to want to lead with your face. You’re going to want to stay at least an arm’s distance away so you’re safely scaring,” Rago said. “You don’t want to get within flailing arm distance. We don’t want you to get punched.”
We worked on my animal noises so I would fit into the Zoo maze.
“You’re a pig, so if you can squeal, oink, snarl or growl those are great,” Rago said.
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I asked to start my scareactor shift in the animal cages near the beginning of the Zoo maze.
The bars on the front of the cage were on a hinge — which allowed me to rattle them when unsuspecting visitors passed. The racket was startling and made people jump out of their skin. The infernal noise was an equal opportunity terrifier — frightening both men and women.
Being Pigman was a serious workout. Rattling the cage felt like I was doing standing chest presses — albeit with a light amount of weight, but endless repetitions occurring every 15 to 20 seconds.
It only took a few minutes before a maze manager suddenly appeared in my cage to show me how to properly rattle my cage. My unbridled enthusiasm threatened to tear the enclosure apart before the end of my shift.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that literally being in a cage would limit my ability to scare those passing safely by on the outside looking in. They mocked and laughed at me as I pointed back at them and snarled like a pig.
I did a surprisingly good job in the dark maze of avoiding the severed body parts laying on the floor in the corners of my cage — presumably from past occupants who didn’t make it out alive.
I perfected the art of reaching through the bars at my prey as they passed my cage — which caused them to cower in fear. But my scares weren’t very startling. I was more a nuisance than a threat.
I tried squealing and snarling but my feeble sounds were drowned out by the droning background music.
I was more of an amusement than a danger. Like a zoo animal trapped in a cage. I wasn’t interacting with people as much as entertaining them. Like a tiger cub playing with a ball in his zoo enclosure.
The real threat: If only I could escape.
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Fortunately, the maze designers included a couple of rubber band bars so the scareactors could get in and out of the cage.
I decided to use that design quirk to my advantage.
I waited for the people who were truly terrified by my mere appearance and emerged from the cage to follow them.
“No, no, no,” cried one woman cowering in her boyfriend’s armpit. “Please go away.”
It was steaming hot inside the Zoo maze — even though it was only in the mid-60s outside. I was dripping sweat and everything I had on was soaking wet.
It didn’t help that I was dressed for the coldest winter day I could ever imagine in Southern California.
I felt like a boxer in a sauna suit doing heat training to cut weight for my next bout.
“Do you need help?” a woman asked me.
“Yes,” I said. “Please help me.”
A switch went off in my head. Why was I squealing, oinking, snarling and growling when I could talk? After all, I was still half human and not yet fully animal.
I started to engage the new recruits outside my cage in dialogue as I added some dimension to my Pigman character.
I begged for assistance: “Get me out of here.”
I issued warnings to the recruits: “Don’t do it. Look what happened to me.”
I delivered a few threats: “You’re next. Just wait.”
I only lasted a little over an hour in the Zoo maze as a half man/half animal super soldier scareactor.
I went all in with Pigman from the very start, but I should have paced myself because I was soon wiped out as Pigman.
I made a bunch of rookie mistakes. I didn’t drink any water or take a break. I went too hard on every scare trying to interact with everyone who walked through the maze.
My approach was to be unrelenting as a scareactor — taking no prisoners and giving no quarter.
Unrelenting works in 2- to 3-minute stints. It’s unsustainable for an hour. And impossible for an entire night of scareacting.
Especially at my age, with no practice or conditioning.
I was a very convincing 58-old Pigman who desperately wanted to get out of the animal cage I was stuck in.
I was disappointed in my effort, but there was nothing left in the tank when I finally tapped out.
I was operating at a burnout rate. There was no way I could have maintained that energy level as a full-time scareactor. If I’d kept up that pace, I would have quit by the end of the night.
My brief experience made me realize how hard it is to be a scareactor night in and night out. It was a ton of work.
I have the utmost respect for my fellow monsters. I can’t imagine doing it for 6 to 8 hours straight. Or for 28 nights over the entire run of Knott’s Scary Farm.
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Keith asked me how my night went as she removed my prosthetic pig mask and makeup.
“It was hot, tiring and fun,” I said.
I vowed to be back again next year. Just not as a pig in a cage.