DEAR MISS MANNERS: My teenage son has begun seeing a new neurologist, who is highly recommended and seems to be very skilled.
We have had two appointments with this doctor, and both times, he used at least a half-dozen swear words in the 20-minute appointment.
He’s young, very friendly, very informal, and probably thinks it’s no big deal because my son is a teenager. He works for the pediatric hospital, and I’m hoping he doesn’t use the same language when giving medical care to young children!
But it’s very uncomfortable for me, and my son agrees that it seems strange. It seems so inappropriate for a professional person!
Of course I’ve heard all these words before, but I don’t enjoy hearing casual swearing.
I missed my chance to say something in the appointment. We’ll see him again in six weeks. Is there a way to bring this up respectfully?
GENTLE READER: At the next appointment, ask to speak with the doctor first while your son remains in the waiting room. Then tell him that both you and your son appreciate the work he is doing, but that you (and the boy’s other parent, if applicable) ask that he not use swear words during appointments. Tell him that you are trying to set a different example for your son.
The doctor will conclude that you have no sense of humor or concept of the modern world. This is fine, so long as he understands that you mean what you say — and that you are the customer.
You and your son can have a laugh about it in the car afterwards. He will have been in the waiting room during your discussion with the doctor not because he cannot know what is happening, but because it will help convince the doctor that you are serious.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: While having dinner at a five-star restaurant, he took out 15 assorted vitamins and supplements, placing them on his bread plate. Then he used his dinner plate for the buttered bread.
Taking supplements is fine, I just feel there’s a better way than lining them up on a plate at a restaurant.
When the server offered dessert, he stated, “I’m too full, but I’ll have a bite of yours.” I made light of it, saying, “No, I’m not sharing. It’s all for me,” and everyone laughed. He was serious, and would’ve sampled it, I’m certain. How to handle?
GENTLE READER: Pronouns are so much more helpful when they are attached to clear antecedents.
That the “he” in question was near enough to reach your dessert suggests anything from a husband to a boyfriend to a blind date to a dinner partner. Your certainty that he was serious about sampling your dessert implies you do have some uncertainty — and therefore indicates a more casual connection.
This being so, Miss Manners agrees with handling him as you did, which is that his boorish behavior with the vitamins is his own concern, but he must keep his hands off of you and yours.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.