DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker invited a few people and their spouses over to watch a popular sporting event.
After everyone in the office bombarded him with questions about what to bring, he insisted we bring nothing.
Never having met his wife or having been to his home, I brought a seasonal hand soap as a small thank-you for hosting us.
They both laughed at the gesture. In fact, it was a running gag between them for much of the evening, saying things like, “Thank goodness we have enough soap!” or “Maybe we should all wash our hands.”
I smiled along with them, but thought such a reaction was odd. My spouse brought beer, which was shared among the guests without jokes.
To avoid such a situation in the future, should I no longer bring a hostess gift to gatherings?
GENTLE READER: Hostess gifts are not the requirement they were once commonly considered, and Miss Manners would definitely dispense with them if the hosts are only going to ridicule you for your efforts.
Come to think of it, she would not be inclined to socialize with such people.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a rural area where cellphone reception and internet service can be spotty, which sometimes results in calls being dropped without warning.
Callers who are accustomed to infallible technology can be baffled by this. I’ve even been accused of having hung up on someone! But more commonly, an awkward exchange ensues, where each person tries to call the other back simultaneously and can’t get through.
In order to avoid this, I’ve gotten into the habit of letting callers know upfront that if I initiated the call, I will call them back in case of an interruption (or vice versa, if they are the one who called me). This seems logical, and I find myself wishing it could become established phone etiquette.
GENTLE READER: Perhaps, but technology changes more quickly than etiquette.
Someone more knowledgeable about the inner workings of telecommunications than Miss Manners will have to explain to her why its bugs appear to have longer lives than its products.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and I are the financial gatekeepers for our elderly, quite wealthy mother. Mom refers all requests for donations to us.
How do we politely get some of these requesters to just go away? One in particular keeps pestering me for a meeting with my mother. She’s looking for, I believe, either a major gift or to be included in the will.
We have to continue to live in this relatively small town, so I can’t be as rude as I would like to be.
GENTLE READER: Why would you wish to be rude? Fundraisers may be persistent, but they are, in Miss Manners’ experience, no more interested than anyone else in wasting their time.
Explain that you and your brother make these decisions for your mother, and that you are not interested in donating to this cause. If you feel these requests have been less than polite, then you can forget to append a “thank you.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.